My freshman year at college, I sensed God was leading me to make a commitment to Him not to date for six months, just to focus in on Him and ministry for that time.  I had just been on the missions field for two years, and if I could make it two years, six months would be a breeze!

Enter snake woman.

She showed up at the youth service I happened to be speaking at.  When she walked into the room with her friend, every head turned.  Jaws were dropping open.  You could hear the entire back six rows whispering, “Who is that girl?”  At the end of the service, her friend that had invited her came up and introduced her to me.  “She really wants to meet you.”  She looked deep into my eyes and said, “I’ve been waiting to meet you ever since I first heard about you.”  I never had anyone say that to me.  She stuck out her hand and took my hand in hers, and I felt my brain go numb.  What was going on?

After the service, I got to the restaurant we all would hang out at.  There she was, snake woman, at the table with my friends waiting for me.  When I sat down, she said she had to talk to me alone.  I felt sirens going off inside of me.  DANGER!  DANGER!  I let her know, I don’t minister to girls alone.  She started batting those big eyes.  She then said, “You’re the only one who can help me.”  Then she began to cry.  I’m usually a sucker for tears but this time I knew I had to get out of there and I mean quick!  I called for one of the girl youth counselors at the other table and gave my buddy sitting next to me two dollars for the coke I had just started to drink, then bolted for the door!  Later, I found she had a track record of seducing young men in ministry and corrupting the call of God on their lives.

I am convinced, not only does God send people across our path to bless and encourage us; but the enemy also sends people across our path to derail us from God’s destiny for us.

The most important decision we will ever make is deciding who will be our friends.  A good relationship can build us up and promote God’s purpose for our lives, while a bad relationship can destroy us.  I am amazed at the number of young men and women that have postponed or completely wrecked God’s purpose for their lives because of a bad relationship.

Our friends have a major part in shaping and molding our lives.  It’s true, what we hang around we will become.  That’s why God’s Word is so insistent in telling us not to be misled, that bad company corrupts good character (1 Cor. 15:33).  Since God knows the influence our friends have over us for good or bad, He has given us seven keys to follow for us to make the most important decision of our lives:  choosing our friends.

The Seven Keys to Choosing Your Friends Are:

1.         Do they have a good track record?

            You can tell a lot about people by what they have done.  A lot of people talk the talk but the question is, are they actually living what they are talking about?  Jesus said we can know a person by his fruit or actions (Matt. 12:33).  They can say they are moral and have high standards, but what do their actions say?

2.         Do they respect your principles?

            You have strong morals and say, “I believe sex should be saved for marriage.”  Then they keep pushing you to compromise your morals.  GET AWAY!  (Prov. 13:20).

3.         Do they give or receive ministry from you?

            Jesus said if you are not hot or cold, He will spew you out of His mouth.  Don’t be neutral!  I also don’t want to spend most of my time with people that are neutral.  I really enjoy hanging around people that I can give to, and will receive from me; or people that deposit good character into my life.  I’ve found that my close friends do both.  There are some days God really gives me something for them and other times they have something for me.

4.         Do they sharpen your ax?

            Are you improved by being with this person?  I thank God for people that sharpen me and make me a better person, and that’s exactly what good friends will do (Prov.  27:17).  It’s essential to have friends that sharpen and challenge us, egging us on to excellence.

5.         Do they build you up?

            God wants us built up, not beat up.  I’ve found some people, because of their personal self-esteem, love to rip the people they are around to shreds with their words.  I wonder, why would anybody hang around somebody like that?  Just to be accepted by them?  You don’t need to waste your time with people like that. We are to encourage one another and build each other up.  Make sure the people you spend your time with do the same (1 Thess. 5:11).

6.         Do they treat others well?

            I’ve got a friend that told me the quickest way to found out about someone is to find out what he is saying about others.  If people are selfish and judgmental toward others, I can promise eventually they will be that way toward you (Rom. 13:9).

7.         Do they encourage your destiny?

            I am so grateful for the people God brings across my path!  Those friends will believe in you more that you believe in yourself.  They see something in you that nobody else sees!  They don’t want to exploit your gifts or manipulate you for their personal advantage, but they want to see you walk in God’s destiny, reaching your full, rich potential.

The people we should be hanging with should be encouragers and not discouragers.  God puts it this way in Ephesians 4:29:  “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

If a person is not a wholesome talker, and isn’t building you up for your benefit, find someone who is.

If you want to grow and maximize your gifts and calling, choosing your friends is one of the most important decisions you will ever make.  Remember, if we want friends in our lives that have these seven qualities, we need to show ourselves friendly with the same qualities (Prov. 18:24).

Copyright Eastman Curtis.

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