is my story.
I'm no longer ashamed to admit. Some might say I should be
ashamed of it. Though it was disgusting and it was disgraceful,
I am not ashamed to admit it because God has cured me of it.
As disgusting as it is, so is my future infinitely beautiful,
thanks be to God. I was scared to admit it to anyone in fear
of what they would think. No more am I afraid of it because
I now fear God not man. And it is my duty and it is because
of my love for my Dad, Christ Jesus, God, His Holy Spirit,
that I admit my past to you all now.
I came from
a family in which love between father and son or between brothers
was considered to be something perverted and dirty, gay. I
did not know what it was to love properly for a long time.
I used to hero worship people at school, people whom I thought
might be good enough for my dad to love. Feelings would arise
in me for those people I worshipped, perhaps it was something
I wished to feel for my dad, but I couldn't, so I felt it
for them instead. I didn't understand it and the only reason
I knew for love was sex. So here I say it today, I was gay.
I was gay.
I prayed day
after day about it, for years, I prayed about it. I had quiet
times when I thought it had gone, and I praised God for it,
but I never really closed the door on it. It kept creeping
back. It was with me until the 25th of June 2000, when, at
a friend's house I went under the water. I was baptised. From
that day on, I have been a changed man. Filled with love,
I am now, I love all my brothers in Christ. I rejoice and
I admit it now to you, my past, I am no longer ashamed of
being Nicholas Paul. I was trapped in the cell of my sin and
I couldn't get out, I'd been in there my entire life and I
knew nothing else, He opened the door for me and set me free.
I can hardly believe how free I am now, I can scarce take
it in. God is the most beautiful thing that's happened to
me in my life so far, I know he is the most beautiful thing
that will ever happen to me. I want to say thanks to Him and
I owe Him my life, it is the least I can do. It is also all
I can give, and so I give it to Him. He gave me life into
this world and He gave me life and freedom into His Kingdom
and I love Him so much for it.
Thank You God.
Your loving servant, always,
I will always
be your Nicky, Victorious over death because of you. Thank
You Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.
I no longer hate my dad like I used to, I'm no longer angry
with him, I love him, something which would not have been
possible without Christ.