By Bob Gresh

The Book of Romance by Tommy Nelson tells of a man who visited a community of people who lived by a river. As evening approached, the man was invited to sit down by the river and enjoy a cool beverage and then dinner with the people. While they ate calmly and pleasantly, a 14-foot crocodile suddenly came up out of the river, chomped off the arm of the man sitting closest to the riverbank and then slipped silently back into the dark waters. The people were alarmed and shocked, but they recomposed themselves.

Those closest to the man bandaged him up the best they could and transported him to medical assistance. Then they resumed their eating, drinking and conversation — picking up right where they left off without any discussion of the incident.

The visiting man was horrified that the evening continued as if nothing had happened. Each time he tried to mention the tragic and violent act, someone in the group quickly changed the subject. He made one final attempt to bring up the incident. "A man just lost his arm to an enormous crocodile that came suddenly out of the river. Didn’t you all see that, or was I imagining things?" Someone in the group replied, "Yes, I saw what happened. A number of people are attacked by crocodiles each year in our community."

The man then looked closer at the group and, sure enough, he spotted people who were missing hands and feet, fingers and ears. "Can’t you do anything about the crocodiles?" he asked.

Another in the group replied with embarrassment clearly written on his face, "It is impolite in our culture to talk about crocodiles."

The visitor to the community was stunned into bewildered silence.

* * *

That story reminds me of the way the church often deals with sex. We just pretend it’s not there. Every guy is thinking about it and has questions, but who’s talking? A lot of us even have some great big nasty scars from misusing sex, but who’s stepping up to bind those wounds with God’s healing?

I want to step up to the plate with you and talk candidly about sex. No more crocodile-sex talk; we’re going to get real about it. I’m not going to let you sit there and feel all alone with your sexual temptations.

Read this next sentence a few times until you get it.

You are not alone.

If you are struggling with lust or are just plain curious about sex, you are not alone. Lust is the universal mark of every man living in the fallen world of sin. A University of Chicago sex study said that 54 percent of men thought about sex daily — a number that caused humorist Dave Barry to conclude, "The other 46 percent of the men are lying. Because it’s a known scientific fact that all men think about sex a minimum of all the time."

Get ready; we are going deep for a minute. I’m going to present some statistics to prove that you’re not alone. I fear that some of you might try to use these facts to justify a sinful habit. But I think the risk is worth it for the courage that you can gain through this.

Are you struggling with pornography?

Here’s a question I wish I didn’t have to ask: Have you found yourself wandering around on the Net and finding things you should not? Unfortunately, a lot of guys struggle with pornography. Magazines, videos and the Internet take out nearly all of us at one time or another. In fact, sex is the most frequently used search word on the Internet, and many experts actually credit searches for Hollywood celebrity Pamela Lee Anderson for the rapid growth of the Internet. (Come on! You thought she was popular for her acting??!!)

Laurie Hall’s book An Affair of the Mind cites a survey at one Promise Keepers conference that revealed that 50 percent of the men who attended the event had viewed pornography within the past week. I’m not surprised by the percentages; I’m surprised by how well we keep our secret — kind of like those crocodile wounds, huh?

If you have struggled with or are struggling with the use of pornography, you are not alone.

Are you struggling with sexual activity with girls you date?

Josh McDowell’s book Right from Wrong cites a recent study of Christian teens that showed 43 percent had experienced sexual intercourse by age 18. That doesn’t include those who have engaged in other kinds of sexual exploration.

If you have struggled with or are struggling with the sexual activity with girls you date, you are not alone.

Don’t let this information become an excuse for your sin. It is sin. It can have long-term, harmful effects. In fact, one of the reasons sex is worth waiting for is the fact that God blesses you if you do. In the book of Deuteronomy God says basically, "I know your kids will come to you one day and will ask what the reason is for all the rules they have. You tell them that I made the rules so they will prosper." This is so true in the area of sex. When we protect it and save it — all of it — for marriage, God blesses it, and that includes making it more fun.

Some of today’s most liberal studies, including one considered to be the most statistically accurate, titled Sex in America, demonstrate that people who wait to have sex have more fun. It’s not the crazy, coeds you see portrayed on television each night who are having the most fun with God’s gift of sex. On the contrary, it’s the faithful married partners, particularly those who waited, who have been blessed with great pleasure.

Do you feel like you are the only one waiting?

Do you sometimes feel like you are the last great American virgin? Waiting can make you feel alone, too. But you are not alone. Nearly every study I look at demonstrates that there are more teen virgins than nonvirgins in your hometown. Just look back at the stats on the number of people who’ve had sex by the age of 18 — less than half! So the majority of mainstream teens are still waiting when they’re 18. Even the guys who brag about it often are just lying.In a Sports Illustrated column, NBA star A.C. Green admitted he lied about being sexually active.

"I was the biggest liar there was," he said. "I told everybody who I did it with, when, how many times. All lies. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I wanted to, I just never did. I think, looking back on it, that God was protecting me." Today A.C.’s honesty encourages guys to have the guts to be truthful and to remain virgins until marriage.

I know it can be so hard to be the guy who wants to wait for that blessing, but know this:

You are not alone.

Maybe you feel conflicted right now because some days you feel like the guy who’s just been nailed by the croc and other days you feel like you are the guy who’s standing strong in the arena of sexual temptation. It’s quite possible to be both guys. I was. I was a virgin on my wedding day, but I didn’t feel pure because so many times I’d struggled with lust — all the while believing I was the only guy in my youth group having such thoughts.

You are not alone in your struggle, and you are not alone in your stand for purity!

Satan uses our isolation and shame to keep us from dragging our sin into the light. He stops our progress toward living a life of sexual integrity by feeding the monster of lust with loneliness. Soon, the sin and the shame can take over our relationships with family and friends and even God. It happened to me.

If you can come to understand that you’re not alone, you will have the courage to reach out for help. James 5:16 says to "confess your sins to each other . . . so that you may be healed." Stop pretending the problem isn’t there. Confessing — talking about it — is the place of your healing. As someone older and wiser hears your confessions, that person can encourage you, helping you feel God’s forgiveness. Make no mistake; only God can forgive, but He gives us each other to help us to let go of things and to keep us accountable.

Today, there’s a much more healthy dialogue about the temptation men face than when I was in high school. The Promise Keepers’ movement has broken through much of the secrecy. You can easily find a man who might not have all the answers but will take the time to talk with you about your frustrations. He’ll help you let go of sinful habits. That’s something you can’t do by yourself.

Now, knowing that you’re not alone, it’s time to drag everything into the light. Whether you’re just beginning to sense the taunting of lust or you’re in the midst of full-fledged sexual sin, it’s time to reach out. Whom can you talk to? Is there someone older and wiser in your life you can approach boldly for accountability? Your youth pastor, a young married guy or maybe your dad are some good resources. Why not touch base with one of them right now? And watch out for the crocodile!

Why not holler when you see him?

Bob and Dannah Gresh co-author of Who Moved the Goal Post? 7 Winning Strategies in the Sexual Integrity Gameplan (Moody Press).