I love him
I want him to be my first
He’s waited long enough
I don’t want to lose him
I love her
We’ve been going out for a long time
I have needs
It’s time we took our relationship to the next level
Hey, why wait? Those are all some pretty good reasons to have sex. I mean, you could have said you want to have sex to use each other, or to give somebody else that lingering infection because you shouldn’t have to suffer alone, or even the old overused excuse, “everybody else is doing it!” But no, your reasons are pretty good, aren’t they? To go along with these carefully thought out reasons, here are some of the great “benefits” of getting sexually involved now, before you get married.
You’re going to get hurt
No matter how you look at it, even when you have good reasons to do it, premarital sex hurts…a lot. If you are a guy, you might think it’s just the girl who gets hurt, but you’re only partly right. The girl will get hurt, because she has this uncontrollable tendency to attach her heart to any guy she gives her body to, unless she’s already been made cold-hearted from the pain of offering her body to be used so many times that she doesn’t care anymore.
But as a guy, you will get hurt too. By indulging in non-committed sensual pleasures, you will be setting yourself up for a lifetime of comparisons that will hound your thoughts and make you unable to be content in your most valuable future earthly relationship—your marriage. The guilt you’ll have—and there is always guilt eventually—will eat you up so badly that you will be a target for addictions or avoidance that will prevent any true intimacy in this life.
Both you and your girl will be hurt in another way that you never anticipated. Someday, if you marry each other, she will likely have respect issues and resentment toward you for not valuing her body enough to protect her purity. How will this hurt you? Not only will you have to deal with a resentful wife, but sex will be the tool that she withholds from you. Then you will resent her and the vicious cycle begins.
Your future is going to get messed up
You already know that teens get pregnant, teens get abortions, and teens get STD’s. Those are all ways that your life can get messed up now and stay that way for a long time. But other long term effects are hard to measure. If you sleep together now and end up getting married, it’s likely from all the statistics that you won’t stay married. And let me tell you from experience, divorce is one of the hardest things you will ever try to survive on this earth. When you split the lives and history you’ve built together, it’s like your heart has been ripped in two. If you have kids together, double the pain. The Bible says that when you got married, you became ONE flesh. The only way to separate one flesh is to rip it in half, leaving gaping, bleeding wounds.
God is going to get pushed out of your life
There’s no way around it. When you are living to please yourself and ignoring God, He isn’t going to force Himself on you. That means that you aren’t going to have His help, His encouragement, His direction, or His awesome plans working out in your life. You might think you’re having fun for awhile, but eventually, living for yourself is going to hurt. You will end up lonely, depressed, hopeless, purposeless, and passionless. That’s because you can’t ignore God for long and enjoy your life. You can try, but you will never be peaceful or satisfied. It is impossible. The Bible says in Romans 8:7, 8, “If your sinful nature controls your mind, there is death. But if the Holy Spirit controls your mind, there is life and peace. For the sinful nature is always hostile to God. (NLT)”
Something better than “good”
Oh, oh…those good reasons to have sex don’t look so good anymore. Thank goodness that there are some even better reasons not to have sex. The better reasons are so much better for you and your future, that they reveal an amazing truth: Your “good” reasons to have sex now, instead of waiting until you are married, are actually bad reasons.
Remember that God loves you and only wants the best for you. His directions for you to stay pure are not to keep something from you, but to help you experience the very best He has to offer. He’s the one who created love and sex. Follow His directions for using it and it will be the best it can be.
4 Tips To choose “Better”
1. Never rely on your feelings when making decisions. Feelings change from day to day and living by them will get you into trouble. They can’t be trusted. God’s unchanging truth in His Word and wise counsel from mature believers will help you make good decisions.
2. Never believe anyone who is trying to get you to violate your relationship with God. If a guy promises he will marry you someday to get you into bed, tell him that “someday” will never happen and say goodbye. He isn’t interested in your heart; he only wants your body. If a girl is trying to entice you with sexy clothes and behavior, she is a trap and the best way out is to do what vigilant young men of the Bible did: run away fast!
3. Guys: Always remember that sex is not love and it doesn’t prove your love. What proves your love is when you sacrifice your selfish desires that hurt your relationship with God or the well-being of a girl whose purity you are supposed to protect. Be a man and say no to sex. Any animal can say yes but it takes a real man to say no and wait.
4. Girls: Always put your security in Jesus alone. You don’t need a guy to be complete and happy. You will only find the wrong kind of guy with that attitude and you will end up more alone and more unhappy than ever. And if you are trying to get a guy to sleep with you so that you can manipulate him into staying with you, it won’t work. You will be the loser in this game.
Reprinted with permission of Julie Ferwerda
Visit Julie Ferweda’s Web site at www.julieferwerda.com