Be the Man: Listen to your Princess – with Stephen Ernst

Guys, lets have a heart to heart chat about a topic that makes our chiseled hearts melt like butter: Women!

Just that ‘one’ word can make young men like us woozy as a mental image of a Princess we know, – or dream of,  fills our minds.

Maybe she’s the blond that sits across the room in History class. Perhaps she’s a beauty we know at church. Perhaps she’s that one we lie awake at night dreaming of, – praying that she’ll be draw closer to God, know Him more and avoid the pitfalls in her life.

Maybe we are courting her, hoping to court her, – or even lost her…

I used to think I was a crazy, sensitive guy – longing to spend a lifetime with my soul mate, in her arms and she in mine, – serving God together as one team, and experiencing His power.

I’ve realised I am not alone

In the past few months I have met Godly guys like myself. Some may call us immature little boys, – idealists. I know differently!

We are a Sacred band brothers – ‘Romantics’ in the truest sense of the word.

We dream of rescuing our Princess from the tall, spiraling tower, full of dragons and every other kind of terror. We would selflessly travel a million miles just to rescue our willing Princess and take her to live with us in our kingdom.

Recently I’ve also realised that guys aren’t as macho as I once was taught. Most guys put on a rough front because of their insecurities, – but deep inside there is a gentlemen, – a Prince just waiting for an opportunity to save, rescue and care for his Princess.

He literally dreams of the day when he can carry her off into the sunset!

That’s the way God made us guys!… and we should not back down to the lousy role that the world defines ‘men’ to be.

And it’s a good thing God made us that way – because He made Princesses to be cared for and rescued by us!

He didn’t make them to have the ‘super feminist’, – “I’ll do my own thing” mentality the world wants to brainwash into them.

God made Princes and Princesses: That’s the good news!

So what’s the bad news you may wonder?!

I’ll break it to you gently

If you didn’t realise it yet: Guys just don’t ‘get’ women. Neither do woman ‘get’ guys.

Finito!
Fullstopio!
Grandio!

The different sexes just don’t understand each other. We may be both human and guys are ‘oh-so-attracted to the beautiful female sex’. (…women generally don’t think guys are as attractive – but that’s a different topic).

I don’t think that most men truly grasp the fact: Although the beautiful female sex may be the same species – WOW – they sure do speak a VERY different language!

You have heard it said “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”…

We think of that saying in the same way as we think of the saying: “Can’t cry over spilt milk”.

Yet when the milk does spill… Oh!  – what a cry of dismay we often let out!

How do guys and gals differ you may ask…!?

A number of ways, but to name one: LISTENING

Ah… listening…? of course guys listen! God gave us ears…

Guys aren’t daft and deaf! – of course we are listening we may think.

Let’s first explain listening in a way guys can understand:

In a very scientific way, – the sound waves travel from the source (our Princess’s oh-so beautiful mouth) all the way to the destination (through our ears and hits our ear drums).

We, – in a very logical way, – are in fact listening.

We continue our logical thinking when our mind chugs in a very logical way. (sometimes rather slowly)

If she tells us about a problem, our male minds naturally think: “she needs a solution to her problem”.

When a solution comes to mind, (being the provider that God made us to be) we tell her the answer to her problem and expect her to listen in the same way as we did: logically and scientifically!

While we are trying to be helpful,  – suddenly out of nowhere some more words may pound against our eardrums:

“You’re not listening to me, – you never listen to me” she complains.

“Whoa… where did that come from?” we may think.

“Here I was trying to helpful and provide a solution to her problem and she tells me I’m not listening?!?!”

We all know woman and men live on different wavelengths. My sister (a happily married young lady) echoed the dilemma between the sexes when she recently said to my mom: “Men are freaks sometimes, aren’t they mommy!”

The Solution:

Okay guys… here is a bit of advice that may save your dating relationship… – and one day may save your marriage!:

Often when women ask us to listen, they don’t really mean what they say! They are instead asking us to ‘feel their emotions’.

That’s what they mean by ‘listening’!

A great book, “For Men Only”, puts it very well:

“When she is sharing an emotional problem, her feelings and her desire to be heard are much more important than the problem itself” [1]

Read that quote again and let it sink in…

God made guys to be providers. He put it in our very DNA, but that doesn’t mean we need to provide a solution all the time. Sometimes we need to hold back a bit and ‘listen’… or ahem… ‘feel her emotions’.

In a one survey, 60%! of women felt that the solution offered by a man – no matter how reasonable, – was a negative! WOW! [2]

Let’s look at the ‘top three’ choices chosen in the survey by the Princesses!

1. “I appreciate his suggestion, but at the moment what I really need is for him to show emotional support by listening more”
2. “I’m interested in his suggestion and want to discuss it more”
3. “Actually I don’t really need or want his suggestion; at the moment what I really need is for him to show emotional support by listening more.”

Women don’t want us to just ‘give them a solution’. They want us to discuss and affirm their feelings.

We need to remember that even though our ears may be incredibly handsome, they are incapable of feeling all of a woman’s emotion.

So the next time the woman in our life talks to us, lets not only listen with our ears, but also our emotions…. and when we are tempted to do what God made us to do (provide a solution), – lets think about what she really wants from us:

1) The solution or

2) listening and understanding!

What did God make us so different! Aaaaah!

I honestly think that God may have made men and woman different for a special purpose. He didn’t intend us go crazy. In His wisdom, He saw that we would naturally have a few rough corners that needed to be sanded down.

These rough edges – selfishness, impatience and egos don’t disappear overnight. They are naturally ingrained in us. The way that these ‘rough edges’ disappear is through the giving of selfless love.

So God in His eternal wisdom gave us someone to love – a beautiful Princess…

Through true selfless love – giving up our wants and selfishness, we change our own wrong mindsets. Our rough edges get a bit of a sandblasting!

Our common language: God

Guys and gals do indeed speak two entirely different languages, but a few words in these languages are common.

The words which both sexes can understand (if we know God) are: “love”, “giving”, “sacrifice” and “selflessness”.

All of these words originate from the same root word: “God”.

When we truly grasp and experience how Jesus gave and sacrificed His life for us, – we too can start speaking that same language of sacrifice.

This way, – and only in this way, can we truly experience the Sacred Romance that the God of the universe intended for us and our Soul Mate Princess to experience.

Lets start the adventure of truly ‘listening’ and ‘giving’ to the women in our lives now – mothers, sisters and friends.

That way, – when God brings along THE Princess into our life – we can truly say more than “gaa”, “goo”, or “mama”

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References:

[1] – “For Men Only” by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn p.97
[2] – “For Men Only” by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn p.102 p.103

Highly Recommended:

Buy: For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men

Buy: For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women

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Non-quoted text is copyright Stephen Ernst, SloppyNoodle.com and generously licenced under a Creative Commons Licence.