Several blogs have talked about readers being tempted by same sex attractions, yet being able to resist and not fall into homosexual sin. Praise the Lord you have stayed pure! This has made me reflect on why I fell into the trap of this temptation.
Ever since I can remember I have always struggled with homosexuality. I would cry out to God to take these attractions away, but they seemed to get stronger and stronger. I in turn, got madder and madder at God for not healing my sexuality. I remember getting ready for class one morning and while taking a shower, I just broke down sobbing asking the Lord to please take these feelings away. I felt like they were over taking me. And nothing happened. I made a conscience decision to put my Bible on the shelf and have my first experience. I wish I had never opened the door to this bondage. Why? Why did I give in?
So why did I not reach out for help when I was in middle or high school? Why could I not bring this into the light? I told no one about my struggle. No one. I kept my thoughts and same sex attractions in the dark and never reached out to anyone. Satan had me right where he wanted—isolated and thinking I was the only one who struggled and thought the way I did. How could I possibly love the Lord? I could not confide in my family because one night I heard them say during a TV program that “those people are sick.” I was one of those people. Now, I know that I was not sick, just deeply emotionally wounded.
Here are some reasons why I choose not to reach out for help: 1) Anger– I was so angry at God, especially for not helping me. 2) Fear—I was so afraid of being rejected and abandoned by family and friends. 3) Pride—I had to keep up my image of having it all together. I did not need someone else’s help. I and my family had no problems. Satan is such a liar. He takes great pleasure in destroying our relationship with our Heavenly Father.
The Lord has restored all the years I lost while living in sin, but I regret making the choice to enter Satan’s traps. I am so sorry and wish I had received help in my teen years. Please reach out to someone for help. Whether you have fallen or not, it is never too late! God wants to set you free from the bondage of same sex attractions. Do not let the enemy have anymore ground in your life. We need each other to fight the battle of principalities and sin. God Bless you all! Reach out TODAY.
P.S, Check out this powerful video