Filling the void of masculine love from the wrong places


Honor Parents, Value Soul Mate

[This article is part of the ‘Honor Parents, Value Soulmate’ series. View other parts of this series here.]

I am involved in a large, very lively church packed with youth. Often a whole group of us would go to the local restaurants in the city – to an area renown for its gay bars. It touches my heart to see such amazing people, trapped in their lifestyle… hopeless to change themselves… not realizing that there is so much better – healing – in store for them.

Often, – but not always people look for masculine love in a gay relationship.

Here is a true story about two people I knew whom will nickname Adam and Rob:

Adam’s dad died at an early age. Growing up he lacked a fatherly influence and became involved in the gay lifestyle. Many years later he met Rob who also lacked a fathers influence. Adam and Rob lived together as partners for many years. During that time Rob started going to a church, genuinely seeking God in his life. He put himself in a position to hear from God, and God started working on his heart. Recently we heard the good news – Rob had left Adam and started dating a girl.

Sometime back I was speaking to a middle-aged friend of mine. (We will nickname him Fred). Fred had been previously had been living in the gay lifestyle. He is now married to a lovely wife and is following God. You can guess the question I was keen to ask him! I asked Fred about his relationship with His father! He relayed an incredibly sad story to me. His father had been a gambler and he was hurt by his parents always fighting. Fred had been terribly bitter with his father… I could hear the emotion in his voice as he relayed to me the sad story. I am thankful that my he allowed God to start healing his heart – he had made a choice to drastically change and can now look forward to a hopeful future with God and his wife.

In The Datetalk Audio Series, Wolfi Eckleben says:

“Listen. there’s some things that a man is, there’s something that a woman is – and the truth is that what God made you to be – a man or woman …Wholeness comes when you accept that for yourself.” [11]

“Now the interesting thing is the bible says that God created them male and female, – but it says that it was the man who left his father and his mother and was joined to his wife. So he was born a male … he was only ready to be joined once he was a man. Now being a male and a female is a matter of birth, but being a man and a woman – ready to for relationship is a matter of choice, a matter of maturity. It’s not just the plumbing that makes us different. Its about maturity. – Have you accepted your manhood, your womanhood?” [11]

When we miss the father input – the masculine input in our lives, – we place ourselves at risk filling the void of masculine love from the wrong places.

In ‘Wild at Heart’, John Eldridge writes: “What’s fascinating to note is that homosexuals are actually more clear on this point. They know what is missing in their hearts is masculine love. The problem is that they’ve sexualized it.” [12]

Asked in a TV interview by Larry King why people choose a gay orientation, Joyce Meyer replied:

“I think a lot of different reasons. I believe a lot of people that are gay, had even had problems like I had in the past. I think they’ve been hurt by somebody from the opposite sex, and they don’t know how to function right in those relationships.

When you’re hurt very badly in your childhood, the area that it has the greatest effect on is relationships. Once you feel like you can’t trust people, once you feel like that they don’t care about you, that they’re really not going to take care of you, it gets very difficult in relationships. And you know, I’ve been so mistreated by male authority in my life that I had a terrible time in my marriage trying to be a submissive wife, you know. I mean, I wanted to rule the roost in everything. And it wasn’t even really that I was rebellious; I was afraid of being hurt. And I think that a lot of people that choose these alternative lifestyles, I think it’s because they’ve been hurt somewhere along the line very badly.”

Wolfi Eckleben says: “…Resisting … your sexuality, resisting your gender is a form of rebellion … against God your maker. And I want to encourage you there is healing. There is wholeness. There is restoration. I am fully confident that God made them male and female, and nothing in between. The anything that comes in between, or that marrs or changes, that is … not what the maker did, but what society has put on you or the choices that you’ve have made. And it may not be your fault, but it is your responsibility … This is my life to live and I’ve got to make the choices to change. I might not have control of my past, but I do have control of my future in every area of my life.” [11]


[This article is part of the ‘Honor Parents, Value Soul Mate’ series. View other parts of this series and references here.]

[Most names used in stories have been changed to protect identities]

Feel free to republish this article text in full with proper attribution, linking back to this

Creative Commons License

Non-quoted text is copyright Stephen Ernst, and generously licenced under a Creative Commons Licence.

facebook comments:


About Author

Leave A Reply