How we leave home, that’s how we’ll join the next relationship


Honor Parents, Value Soul Mate

[This article is part of the ‘Honor Parents, Value Soulmate’ series. View other parts of this series here.]

“Because of a mistake her father made, a friend of mine has a distorted view of men. She’s constantly complaining about them and is annoyed by them. She mistrusts most men. They better not make a mistake, for every mistake is magnified. She meets them with a furrowed or raised brow or a pinched lip. Despite her desire for marriage, she truly believes there are no good men. My heart hurts for her.”   -Longing for Daddy by Monique Robinson [23]

You have probably heard it said by your single friends: “Now that I have left home, my parents and I get along much better”

These days so many kids don’t get along with their parents and move out of home, thinking it will solve everything. Unfortunately whether we realise it or not, the issues with our parents follow us wherever we try to escape to – like elastic bands drawing us back to the same problems. We think we are leaving our problems at home, but are carrying them along with us…in our heads… in the mindsets we have developed over the years. We need to un-attach from our problems properly, – not just try to walk away from them. With the help of the holy spirit and determination, we can!

Genesis 2:24 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”

In The Datetalk Audio Series, Wolfi Eckleben says that moving out of home is not enough, we need to leave/unattach ourselves properly. How? – By honoring our parents.

He says: “…we … are radically influenced by our mothers and fathers and our parent relationship. We are radically influenced, potentially positive and potentially negative. … we have to unattach ourselves from the negative stuff that has come down the blood line from our mothers and from our fathers.” [11]

“You gotta deal with the father wounds in your life. You gotta deal with the mother wounds in yours life. The disappointments, the hurts, the abandonment, the whatever came down there. You need to deal with the generational curses that come down. These things are real.” [11]

“You see, anyone can just walk away from their mother and father. You can say, well, cheers I’m outta here. I’m getting married or I’m going to start my own life.” [11]

“There’s a big difference between walking away and leaving that the scripture talks about. – See, walking away doesn’t unattach you. It’s always there … these are elastics … the cords are still there. – Leaving means to unattach. And the only way to leave is to leave as the bible says is in honor – honor your father and mother. You see you can try and walk away in judgment, but you’ll never be free …. when you leave in honor, you will enter freedom.” [11]

“Consider these truths … about that promise … that when you honor your father and mother … you will live long in the land and it will be well with you, – including in your relationships. I know its tough but its true.” [11]

“When it comes to parents we can carry a lot of hurt, disappointments ….  no use blaming your parents for that. … it may not have been your fault, but it is your responsibility… its your and my life to live. We can’t do anything about where we came from and who we came from, but we certainly can do something about where we’re going and what we gonna reproduce in our lives. I know this is hard, but look at the patterns in your life, look at the things…and figure out where they come from and find help to get free from them.” [11]

Even through marriage it is interesting to note that – how we leave one relationship, we take that mindset with us to the next relationship. In the USA people are twice as likely to get divorced if their parents were divorced. Divorce rate for the first marriage is 41%-50%. After getting married for the second time, divorces probability shoots up to 60%-70%. After yet another marriage the probability of divorce goes up to 73%-74%. [15], [16]

God created special covenant (blood tied) relationships. When we are in God given covenant relationship with somebody, whether that be in a parent-child relationship, or a marriage relationship, we are unable to just walk away from the situation without it affecting us. In the case of parents, we need truly unattach ourselves. When we just ‘up and off’, whatever happened there will follow us – unless we leave in honor.


[This article is part of the ‘Honor Parents, Value Soul Mate’ series. View other parts of this series and references here.]

[Most names used in stories have been changed to protect identities]

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Non-quoted text is copyright Stephen Ernst, and generously licenced under a Creative Commons Licence.

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