I feel as if I can’t love or commit like I should

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Honor Parents, Value Soul Mate

[This article is part of the ‘Honor Parents, Value Soulmate’ series. View other parts of this series here.]

In relating to my young single friends I have quizzed many of them on their relationships with their parents, – specifically their relationship with their father. My findings were sad and shocking. I found out that many of my friends had experienced a difficult relationship with their father in their growing up years. Nearly every one of these same people also had, – or are currently having issues in romantic relationships – dating, courting or marriage.

My friends would tell me about their relationships using statements like:

  • “I would never tell my girlfriends I loved them”
  • “I would not allow them into my life – I felt as though they were nosey”
  • “I am not sure which girl to choose, I enjoy being with them both”

God had created these precious people to love their soul mate that he had brought across their path. They were unable to fall in love properly – to wholeheartedly commit to and love the opposite sex – and sadly they often didn’t realise why.

If they were male, they were unable to lead and love like they should. If they were female, they were unable to trust and be cared for, following the man in their life. Both sexes showed an internal difficulty to commit – in different ways.

The common factor? In nearly all cases it seemed to be their relationship with their father! They had been rebellious to their father, he had been absent in their lives, or he had wounded them in some way.

How these people valued their father was affecting all their other relationships. The most saddening part was that they were often blinded to one fact: Their relationship with their dad was drastically affecting their relationships with the opposite sex.

Issues with their father whilst growing up had allowed wrong mindsets to be built up. These very mindsets were blocking them from enjoying all the sizzling and carefree romance with the soul mate that God may have made cross their path.

AWARENESS ZINGER: If we allow these wrong mindsets to stick around, satan has every intention of using them with full force to sap the love, joy and potential out of our romantic relationships.

Today, somebody I know well – Jim, related to me a past experience he had on a date with a girl that had been adopted. She had a really bad attitude to guys. On the date, she shared with Jim that men were only good for one thing – sperm donors. When Jim asked about her adoptive father, she said that he was nice, but took the view that women do everything.

While most hurting Princesses and Princes may not be as outspoken about their hurtful feelings toward the opposite sex, maybe you have noticed a girl who get annoyed when men invade their territory, or a guy who neglects the woman in His life.

Jim was quick not to organise another date with the girl. I find it heartbreaking that many allow true love to slip from their grip, because of bitterness or rebellion they had growing up with their father or mother. I am not as quick to write people (like Jim’s date) off. My heart aches for them. I see these people lovely creations that God created. Because of the wrong mindsets they allow to be built up in their mind, they will often sabotage every good relationship that God tries to brings them. Jim could not try change her his date, – even Jesus himself can not change her – unless she allows Him.

Bear with me… there is hope and healing. Things that are totally impossible with man, – healing the deep hurts of the heart… are dead-easy with God! He takes every aspect of our old lives… nails them to the cross… – if we allow Him – and He gives us a brand new life.

Christ gave us the power to transform our thinking – to throw away old mindsets and ways of thinking, – and to renew our minds to God’s higher ways. Satan has tried to make you a prisoner to your past, to that thinking that has developed over the years of rebellion or hurt. Jesus came to earth so that he could free you from your chains of wrong thinking. I know a miracle worker that came to to perform a miracle in your life – if you allow Him to.

In the old testament, Jeremiah sent a letter with encouragement to people who have been made captive by a foreign land. I believe God would send this same encouragement to you today:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.” Jeremiah 29:11-14

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[This article is part of the ‘Honor Parents, Value Soul Mate’ series. View other parts of this series and references here.]

[Most names used in stories have been changed to protect identities]

Feel free to republish this article text in full with proper attribution, linking back to this www.SloppyNoodle.com

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Non-quoted text is copyright Stephen Ernst, SloppyNoodle.com and generously licenced under a Creative Commons Licence.

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