Poisonous Relationships: People we hang around with can kill our destiny – with Stephen Ernst

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Poisonous Relationships: People we hang around with can kill our destiny - with Stephen Ernst

[This article is part of the 'Honor Parents, Value Soulmate' series. View some other parts of this series here.]

Imagine eating at McDonalds everyday, dropping out of high school prematurely, jumping off a bridge on a worn-out bungee cord or sleeping in bed with scorpions at night.

These things can be pretty dangerous, but one thing can be more detrimental to your health and endanger your destiny more than any of the above.

Friends and acquaintances, – those who influence us, – can unknowingly – be like a tasteless poison added to a good chamomile tea.

When it comes to following God’s amazing destiny and plans he has for us, we need to watch out who we hang around with.

Our friends can turn us against our parents or the soul mate God puts in our life. They can encourage our selfishness and independence, steal our emotional energy and even manipulate our very lives without us even realizing it!

The Story of Ruby

I know a lovely Christian couple who we will nickname Pat and Bob Chuckles. If there is anyone who daily sacrifices their lives for others – it’s certainly them!

Soon after they were married, Bob and Pat adopted seven children. Eventually they had ten kids which included three kids of their own.

True to their nature, Bob and Pat loved the adopted kids like they did their own children. If you’ve ever seen the movie ‘Cheaper by the Dozen’, you have a pretty good representation of happy times at the Chuckle family.

Four of the adopted children were siblings from the same family.

Bob and Pat didn’t know, – but the original parents of these kids were drug dealers.

The four siblings (three boys and one girl) lived with Bob and Pat for about seven years.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, the original parents appeared on the scene again, wanting to meet their kids. They brought presents and influenced three out of their four kids to leave Bob and Pat – and in turn to go live with them again.

Bob and Pat didn’t oppose – they thought that the long-lost parents had returned. They didn’t know about the dark side – the drug dealing.

Of the three of kids that went back to their original parents, two were boys. The other was beautiful young lady with great potential. We’ll call her Ruby.

Only one of the four children decided to remain with Bob and Pat.

Years passed and Bob and Pat were hit with some extremely sad news:

Ruby – who was at the time about the age of 16, – (about two years after she had left) – had died of a drug overdose. Bob and Pat were stunned.

The story above is sad, but true…

Different types of friends

We need to remember – who we allow into our lives – will either:

- help destroy our destiny
- or inspire us to fulfill our destiny

We all love having friends!

They surround us – like-minded people with common interests. We do life with them and enjoy spending time with them. When we are feeling down, they are there for us – to encourage and lift us up.

Our friends are often the first people we go to for advice.

When it comes to changing our mindsets, and starting to honor and value our God, our parents, and our future soul mate, – we have a challenge: We need to carefully assess whether the friends that are positioned around us are costing us the very future that God intended for us.

Choosing to leave behind the friends is not an easy decision. We may be best buddies with them. We probably enjoy being around them and spending time with them.

In some cases our friendship may have become emotionally dependent, which can make the separation nearly impossible, feeling like a death – yet all the more necessary to break free from.

The dude who lost most of his kingdom because he took the advice of his friends

There’s this dude in the bible by the name of Rehoboam. He was a Prince, – the son of King Solomon. Rehoboam was a pretty popular dude with his friends. He probably cruised around town in his flashy royal chariot, racing his buddies.

On Friday nights you may have found him hanging out parties in ‘the hood’. After attending church he was the life of the party in the local Starbucks. He was the ‘who’s-who’ of the single crowd.

Now when his dad Solomon died, Rehoboam took over the kingdom. The people saw an opportunity to have things easier in the kingdom. They came to Rehoboam and said: “Your father made things really difficult for us. Lighten up a bit and we will serve you.”

The new king consulted discussed the matter with the older men who had previously counseled his father, Solomon. The older counselors advised, “If you are willing to be a servant to these people today and give them a favorable answer, they will always be your loyal servants.”

Rehoboam rejected the advice of the older men and instead asked the opinion of his buddies he had grown up with – they were now his advisers.

His buddies advised him: “This is what you should tell those complainers who want a lighter burden: ‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s waist! Yes, my father laid heavy burdens on you, but I’m going to make them even heavier! My father beat you with whips, but I will beat you with scorpions!’”

Rehaboam didn’t know that listening to the advice of his young buddies would cost him most of his kingdom – he lost ten of the twelve tribes of Israel. [21]

They may even call themselves Christians, but God says – stay away!

When we ask our friends and family for advice I don’t think we realise how serious the consequences will be if we follow their advice.

It’s just too easy to follow the flow, but in the long run, it may cost us dearly.

The bible warns us to stay away from certain people who act like Christians, – people that that act as if they were serving God – they have a form of godliness.

What they ‘do’ will show that they have turned their backs on God’s power. It shockingly and dramatically says “Have nothing to do with those people.” – see 2 Timothy 3:1-5

We need to realise that the ‘ungodly’ may even be some of our ‘Christian’ friends who go to church, church leaders – perhaps even our closest confidants. SHOCK! HORROR!

We can tell a tree by what fruit it produces:

Even if a person is a Christian and has committed their lives to God, it doesn’t mean that they are following God and are yielded to Him in all areas of their life. We need to look at the fruit of their lives. We should only be following the advice of people who show the fruit of God’s love to everyone around them. Even then we need to make sure the advice they are giving lines up with what the bible says.

If those around us are selfish, manipulative, controlling or if they get jealous when others around are in the limelight, it’s probably a sign that we shouldn’t be teaming up our lives with them!

He who walks [as a companion]with wise men is wise, but he who associates with [self-confident] fools is [a fool himself and]shall smart for it. – Proverbs 13:20 (AMP)

Don’t die in the desert

When the Israelites left Egypt, they hardened their hearts and rebelled against God.

God had led them to the edge of the amazing, blessed land that He had promised them. They decided to do their homework and spy out the land before going in to conquer and possess it.

They sent in twelve ‘special ops’ to spy out the land. When the spies returned they gave their advice. Ten of the twelve spies advised against doing what God wanted them to do – to go in and capture the land.

Only two of the twelve spies wanted to go ahead, believing what God had said and take hold of what He had promised.

The nation decided to follow the advice of the fearful ten spies, instead of the two who advised them to grasp what God had promised.

The people didn’t didn’t know that a simple decision to follow faulty advice would cost them the blessing God had promised. Everyone of those people who were over the age of 20 died in the wilderness except for the two spies. Those that died never experienced the promise God had for them because they had rebelled and listened to wrong advice. WOW! [22]

We need to follow the Spirit of God’s leading in our lives and be careful who we allow to speak into our lives. I have seen the most wonderful people that God wanted to do great things for and through, – be blinded by the wrong advice of those around them.

We may have come out of the bondage of sin (Egypt) when we became Christians, but unless we follow true Godly advice we stand a huge chance of dying out in the desert, – never experiencing all the blessing that God had for us in the promised land.

Lose your friends that encourage your independence and rebellion

When it comes to honoring and valuing our parents, – and one day our soul mate, – we may find friends that encourage us to be independent, rebellious, feminist/male-chauvanist or just simply to take the easy route out.

We don’t want to prematurely skip out of the ‘family therapy’ that God has supernaturally provided – specially and uniquely crafted for us.

If we have left home in rebellion, we need to consider moving back home to start honoring, valuing and cherishing our parents. If we don’t start really valuing our parents – even if they have hurt us, those independent attitudes can follow us our whole lives – especially when we need to start valuing our future soul mate.

Our friends may have a good heart, but chances are that they come from a similar background to us. Like attracts like! Their advice they give may be well intended and they may honestly think they have our best in mind, but we need to get real and broken before God.

We need to seek what God wants us to do, instead of what our well meaning friends advise us to do.

We need to reassess our friendships. It is common knowledge that friendships drastically affect us, yet sometimes we feel as if we are immune to this rule.

If we underestimate those who influence us, we stand a enormous chance of losing the life God has for us.

Satan will make us think we can hang around with people without them corrupting us – but God says:

“bad company corrupts good character.” (part 1 Cor 15:33)

Lovingly increase the distance between you and them

It’s been said: “Loving someone does not mean we need to make them a part of our life.”

Wow! How true!

We need to distance ourselves from those who encourage our independent and selfish attitudes – no matter how good their intentions are for us… and no matter how much we care for them.

These friends often make no real demands on us – they don’t restrict us. That’s why many of us left home!

Distancing ourselves from them is literally a fight to enter our ‘promised land’.

- After all we are distancing ourselves from those we feel most comfortable with!

We need friends that instead challenge us to greatness.

Never be nasty to those friends that are pulling you down. Show them the love of God!

But we also need to withdraw from them if they are a deadly influence to us. Do what the bible says in Matthew 10:16: “…be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.”

Throwing away the unnecessary weight, getting the right people alongside us

Throughout the bible we can see that when Satan wants to hurt or destroy someone, he often sends a person into their life to get them off track. Samson allowed Delilah into his life and it cost him his very life. David allowed Bathsheba into his life and it cost them their firstborn child.

“…let us strip off and throw aside every encumbrance (unnecessary weight) and that sin which so readily (deftly and cleverly) clings to and entangles us, and let us run with patient endurance and steady and active persistence the appointed course of the race that is set before us, Looking away [from all that will distract]to Jesus…” – pt Hebrews 12:1-2 (AMP)

When we allow the right people into our lives it may be challenging in the short term, but in the long run they are a huge support to us. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were true friends. They stood by each other and didn’t allow each other to compromise. Because of it, they all stuck by God’s promises and God stood by them as they endured a fire.

Lets make friends of those that value and prize both their parents, submit to Godly authority and submit to one another. We have no business making close friends of those who don’t love those around them of submit to one another. They may call themselves Christian’s, but Jesus said people would know that we are His disciples – by our love one for another.

Remember that iron sharpens iron. Sometimes the friends that challenge us to greatness are not the easiest people to be around, but, in the long run we will thank them.

These ‘challengers’ are the people that will truly help to build our lives. They may rub us the wrong way. But it’s probably rubbing off a few of our rough edges of impatience, independence, selfishness and rebellion. In the end – if we stick it out – we are a shimmering diamond, ready to be used for God’s glory.

Controlling friendships

We all have controlling people in our lives. I used to try control people before I started to give up my cares to God. A controlling person often has issues with pride, insecurity or fear. The ‘attributes’ of pride and insecurity may seem opposites, but they are not.

A person who has true security, identity and value in God will have true confidence, – not pride.

Because a person that is controlling has a deep insecurity or hurt, they often feel more valuable, wanted and needed when they are in control.

These controlling people may be intimidated by those who have a true Godly confidence and reach out to those around them. If they are not in charge or the center of attention, they may be mean, catty or have bad attitudes to those people that are genuinely caring for others.

These precious people don’t realise that by their controlling behaviour they are creating a living misery for the lives of those friends of whom they control. Too often controlling people may even try control the parent or courting relationships of their friends.

Regardless of how close we are to these controlling friends, – we need to see the control for what it is – and withdraw, – before it kills us and our precious relationships.

If we are that controlling person in the relationship, we need to let our friends go to experience the destiny God has for them! We don’t have a right to control another persons life – no matter how knowledgable we think we are.

We certainly don’t have the right to attack parental or courting relationships that God may have blessed.

“let no one split apart what God has joined together.” Mark 10:9 (New Living Translation)

We need to find our value in Christ by giving up our own wants. No matter how we try increase our sphere of influence, or be ‘the’ advisor to those around us, – we will never be truly fulfilled or valuable until we come to the end of ourselves. We need to let Christ become our everything!

Only then do we experience true salvation. That is the ONLY way we will find true value and confidence!

Emotional Dependent Friendships

You may say to me: “Stephen, its all very well to say I need to leave behind these bad influences in my life. But they mean a lot to me. I need friends. Its not as though I have many other friends to replace the ones I have. These friends are the only family I have.”

God doesn’t look at life the way we do. We look at a friend as something to be kept, – to give us security.

In God’s world, we don’t truly get more until we let go of our own securities and plans.

Everyone wants to be needed and often we gain our value from what our friends think about us. We also gain value by giving other people advice, – and feeling important when they follow our advice.

God on the other hand says that we need to find ALL our emotional fulfillment and value in Him – not others.

I have seen and experienced relationships where people try to gain their fulfillment from other people instead of God. These relationships are draining – and everyone of us is guilty of doing it in some form of another.

It has a lot of names – emotional dependency, co-dependency, or friendship dependency.

What is Emotional Dependency?

Lori Rentzel Thorkelson defined Emotional Dependency as “the condition resulting when the on-going presence and/or nurturing of another is believed necessary for personal security.” [32]

We feel that we emotionally ‘need’ the other person for well being, or sometimes feel as if we need to be close to the other person because we should protect them. The truth is that no friend should be dependent emotionally on another. Every friend should find their emotional fulfillment in God.

She says we are prone to dependency because:

“In a dependent relationship, one or both people are looking to a person to meet their basic needs for love and security, rather than to Jesus. Unless underlying spiritual and emotional problems are resolved, this pattern will continue unbroken. Typical root problems that promote dependency include:

  • covetousness, which is desiring to possess something (or someone) God has not given us
  • idolatry, which results when a person or thing is at the centre of our lives rather than Christ
  • rebellion, which is refusing to surrender areas of our lives to God, and
  • mistrust, failing to believe God will meet our needs if we do things His way.

Sometimes hurts from our past leave us with low self-esteem, feelings of rejection and a deep unmet need for love. Bitterness or resentment toward those who have hurt us also open us up for wrong relationships. These sins and hurts need to be confessed and healed before real freedom can be experienced. This can happen through confession and prayer, both in our personal times with the Lord and with other members of the body of Christ.” [32]

Dependent friendships stop two people from growing

Speaking to my brother recently, He told me a story of two women he knew. The women were very close. Being so close to each other was smothering them both from growing.

Recently one of the women moved away from that city to work in another place. The other woman who was left behind has now grown in leaps and bounds and is being used by God in amazing ways.

Sometimes we need to let go of our close friends if we have become emotionally dependent on them. It is not easy, but very necessary for their and our own growth!

If an old season of friendship stops us from entering a new season in life, that relationship may have become emotionally dependent.

Dependant relationships can break up other relationships

Recently when speaking to a close friend whose wife divorced him, he told me that before the divorce, his ex-wife was very close to another woman.

He had thought this woman’s influence in his wife’s life was detrimental and had spoken to her about it.

She refused to give up the relationship with this other woman.

My friends wife finally divorced him. To this day he thinks that the other woman was a key influence. His wife had probably built up an emotional dependence with this other woman and valued her friends input more than her husbands input.

Just this morning I was speaking to a Christian girl who had started reading the booklet: Emotional Dependency by Lori Rentzel Thorkelson.

She relayed to me that she had been very close to a girlfriend of hers. They spoke on the phone nearly every day. When her friend had got a new boyfriend and started to withdraw from her, this Christian girl found it difficult.

I am sure that if these two young ladies had carried on their emotionally dependant relationship, – the relationship with new boyfriend would have suffered and potentially even been destroyed because of it.

Our roots become entangled if we are not careful

God may have been planted us as a seedling in a small pot with others to grow initially, but there may come a time when we need to be separated and replanted in another piece of ground, – away from our former seedlings.

Sometimes in order to grow bigger, – we need to leave that pot that we were first planted in.

We too often stay too long in that seeding pot – and may let our roots become entangled with those in the same pot as us. If so, we have become emotionally dependent or co-dependent on them and we sap each others emotional energy intended for God and their soul mate – (future or current husband or wife).

Signs of an Emotional Dependant relationship

Lori Rentzel Thorkelson said that some signs that a dependant relationship has started are “when either party in a relationship:

  • experiences frequent jealously, possessiveness and a desire for exclusivism, viewing other people as a threat to the relationship.
  • prefers to spend time alone with this friend and becomes frustrated when this doesn’t happen.
  • becomes irrationally angry or depressed when this friend withdraws slightly.
  • loses interest in friendships other than this one.
  • experiences romantic or sexual feelings leading to fantasy about this person.
  • becomes preoccupied with this person’s appearance, personality, problems and interests.
  • is unwilling to make short or long range plans that don’t include the other person,
  • is unable to see the other’s faults realistically.
  • becomes defensive about the relationship when asked about it.
  • displays physical affection beyond that which is appropriate for a friendship.
  • refers frequently to the other in conversation; feels free to “speak for” the other.
  • exhibits an intimacy and familiarity with this friend that causes others to feel uncomfortable or embarrassed in their presence.” [32]

In Lori’s article she says that manipulation plays a role in maintaining emotionally dependant relationships. Some examples she gives include:

  • “Threats – threats of suicide and backsliding can be manipulative.
  • Pouting, brooding, cold silences – when asked, “What’s wrong”, replying by sighing or saying, “Nothing”.
  • Undermining partner’s other relationships – convincing him others do not care about him, making friends with partner’s other friends in order to control the situation.
  • Provoking insecurity – withholding approval, picking on partner’s weak points, threatening to end the relationship.
  • Time – keeping the other’s time occupied so as not to allow for separate activities.” [32]

Please note: One should be aware that it is normal to have some vulnerability and dependency with a soul mate in a courting or married relationship. It is also normal for kids to have an emotional dependance on their parents growing up.

We as adults need to however still find our emotional fulfillment in God and must avoid emotional dependent relationships with friends. These dependent relationships with friends can destroy all other meaningful relationships that God brings into our lives – especially courting and married relationships.

Breaking Emotional Dependency

Emotional dependency and soul ties develop can be almost impossible to break unless we allow God into EVERY area of our lives, and we ourselves need to act with firm resolve.

Emotional dependent relationships are often formed when two people – one that likes to be in charge and in control, and another more insecure person join forces.

Often when a person tries to leave the relationship, the other will throw a pity party, sulk, manipulate, threaten or control.

When we seperate ourselves from an emotionally dependent relationship, we cannot underestimate the soul ties that have formed. It may even feel like the other person has has died when try to separate ourselves from that person.

In the article, “Emotional Dependency”, Lori Rentzel Thorkelson suggests a variety of ways that a person can escape an emotional dependent relationship.

Making a commitment to Honesty: “We need to admit we have a problem and become accountable to change. We need to walk in the light and share the problem we have with another trustworthy Christian who is not emotionally involved in the situation.” [32]

Introducing Changes in Activities: Gradual Separation – Lori says that “Whether the dependency has been mutual or one-sided, we usually begin to plan our lives around the other person’s activities.” A “parting of ways” is necessary. She says “we don’t recommend that a person stop attending church just because the other person will be there. But we do know that placing ourselves unnecessarily in the presence of the person we’re dependent on will only prolong the pain and delay God’s work in our lives.” [32]

Allow God To Work. Lori says: “This sounds so obvious, but it’s not as easy as it seems! After we confess to God that we’re hopelessly attached to this individual and are powerless to do anything about it, we invite Him to come in and “change the situation”. The Lord never ignores a prayer like this. Some people begin to confront us about this relationship, but we assure them we have it all under control. Our friend decides to start going to a different Bible study, and soon we find a good reason to switch to the same one.”… “We ask God to work in our lives, but then we do everything in our power to make sure He doesn’t! I’ve learned from my own experience that thwarting God’s attempts to take someone out of my life only produces prolonged unrest and agony. Cooperation with the Holy Spirit brings the quickest possible healing from broken relationships.” [32]

Preparing for Grief and Depression: We need to allow for a time of grief and hurting for a season so that healing will come faster. Otherwise we may carry around unnecessary guilt and bitterness.[32]

Cultivate Other Friendships: Even if we find it scary or our hearts are not in it we need to cultivate other friendships. Our feelings catch up later. We need to embrace the other relationships that God brings across our paths. Lori says: “He knows just the relationships we need to draw out our special qualities and chip off our rough edges.” (Read my article Challenge me to greatness) [32]

Discover God’s Vision for Relationships: God desires relationships to build other people up in Christ. Lori says: “If we desire an exclusive emotional involvement with this friend, then our desires are in conflict with what the Lord wants. We need to ask ourselves, “Am I working with God or Against Him in the person’s life?” [32]

Resolve The Deeper Issues: Lori says “The compulsion to form dependent relationships is a symptom of deeper spiritual and emotional problems that need to be faced and resolved. Self analysis is the least effective way to uncover these problems. The most effective way is to go directly to Jesus and ask Him to show us what’s wrong. “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, Who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” (James 1:5) Another effective way is to go to those God has placed in positions of authority over us and submit to their counsel and prayer.” [32]

She suggests that for some a long-term counseling relationship will help us face the sins we need to repent of and the hurts that need healing. She suggests for others a small group that meets regularly for deep sharing and prayer will help tremendously. [32]

She suggests that personal prayer and fasting draws us to God and breaks sin bondages in a way nothing else will. [32]

“Confession, repentance, deliverance, counseling, and inner healing are means the Lord will use to bring purity and emotional stability into our lives.” [32]

“The healing and forgiveness we need are ours through Jesus’ atonement. We can receive them by humbling ourselves before Him and before others in His body.” [32]

Prepare For The Long Haul – We need to prepare for the war, not just the battle. “We need to know ourselves: our vulnerabilities, the types of personalities we are likely to “fall for”, the times when we need to be especially careful. We need to know our adversary: know the specific lies Satan is likely to tempt us with and be prepared to reject those lies, even when they sound good to us! More than anything, we need to know our Lord. We need to be willing to believe God loves us.

Even if we cannot seem to feel His love, we can take a stand by faith that He does love us and begin to thank Him for this fact. As we learn of God’s character through His Word, we can relinquish our images of Him as being cruel, distant, or unloving. A love relationship with Jesus is our best safeguard against emotionally dependent relationships.” [32]

For a very eye-opening article on Emotional Dependency, click here

The ending of our bad relationships

God has an amazing plans for us. These plans include us honoring and valuing our God, our parents, and our future soul mate – somebody we are courting, or our spouse. We cannot allow for those around us to influence us otherwise.

I shared the true story of Ruby at the beginning of this article. The young lady who died from an overdose of drugs – was one of three kids who was influenced to go back to their original parents.

One child from that same family stayed behind with Bob and Pat Chuckles.

This young man surrendered his life to Jesus. Today he eagerly follows God for his life and knows Him intimately.

Just the other evening I spoke to him about his decision to stay with his adoptive parents instead of returning to his original parents.

His response was powerful. He told me that if he gone back to his original parents, he probably wouldn’t be alive today.

Let’s ask God’s Holy Spirit to lead us to determine those in our life that are bad influences, – and to give us the power and strength to lovingly withdraw from them, – so that can truly experience the destiny God has for us.

Let’s also ask God to bring people across our path that friends that instead challenge us to greatness.

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[This article is part of the 'Honor Parents, Value Soul Mate' series. View other parts of this series and references here.]

[Most names used in stories have been changed to protect identities]

Feel free to republish this article text in full with proper attribution, linking back to  www.SloppyNoodle.com

Creative Commons License

Non-quoted text is copyright Stephen Ernst, SloppyNoodle.com and generously licenced under a Creative Commons Licence.

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For a very eye-opening article on Emotional Dependency, click here

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Purchase Emotional Dependency booklet:

Emotional Dependency (Single Pack)

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References and Quotations:

[1] – http://www.family.org/parenting/A000001230.cfm
[2] – http://www.joycemeyer.org/NR/rdonlyres/7F8EC7E7-B280-492E-BACD-7780FC0374A/0/BalancelookatSub.pdf
[3] – http://www.cbn.com/spirituallife/Devotions/Irvin_father_eyes.aspx
[4] – http://www.joycemeyer.org/OurMinistries/EverydayAnswers/Articles/art51.htm
[5] – http://www.rickross.com/reference/meyer/meyer9.html
[6] – http://www.enotalone.com/article/3701.html
[7] – http://www.rickross.com/reference/meyer/meyer23.html
[8] – Love Means Sacrifice, Not Selfishness: http://www.joycemeyer.org/OurMinistries/EverydayAnswers/Articles/art19.htm
[9] – ‘Always Daddy’s Girl’ H. Norman Wright (Ventura, CA: Regal Books, 1989) p. 208
[10] – Two Are Better than One: http://www.joycemeyer.org/OurMinistries/EverydayAnswers/Articles/art6.htm
[11] – The Datetalk Audio Series with Wolfi Eckleben: http://sloppynoodle.com/datetalk.shtml
[12] – Wild at Heart by John Eldridge P95,P95
[13] – ‘Captivating’ by Staci and John Eldridge pg 52
[14] – Derek Prince – Husbands and Fathers audio
[15] – http://www.aboutdivorce.org/us_divorce_rates.html
[16] – http://www.cbs.nl/en-GB/menu/themas/bevolking/publicaties/artikelen/archief/2005/2005-1818-wm.htm
[17] – http://cf.blueletterbible.org/lang/lexicon/lexicon.cfm?Strongs=G1135&t=kjv

[18] – http://cf.blueletterbible.org/lang/lexicon/lexicon.cfm?Strongs=G435&t=kjv

[19] – Eight Specific Reasons Why Christians Suffer: http://www.joycemeyer.org/OurMinistries/EverydayAnswers/Articles/art37.htm
[20] – God uses nobodies: http://www.sloppynoodle.com/God_uses_nobodies.shtml
[21] – 1 Kings 12
[22] – http://www.ccel.org/contrib/exec_outlines/he/he_07.htm
[23] – Longing for daddy by Monique Robinson p.37

[24] – ‘Making peace with your father’ by Dr David Stoop p.15
[25] – ‘Making peace with your father’ by Dr David Stoop p.27
[26] – ‘Making peace with your father’ by Dr David Stoop p.35
[27] – ‘Making peace with your father’ by Dr David Stoop p.39
[28] – ‘Making peace with your father’ by Dr David Stoop p.46
[29] – ‘Making peace with your father’ by Dr David Stoop p.33
[30] – ‘Making peace with your father’ by Dr David Stoop p.41
[31] – Teaching True Love to a Sex-at-13 Generation by Eric and Leslie Ludy p.145, 146
[32] – Emotional Dependency: A Threat To Close Friendships – by Lori Thorkelson

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