Too many Christian guys just don’t understand sex — and end up misusing this awesome gift from God. Some teens say things like, “Why wait?”
What’s more, the world is eager to send you sexual messages: “It’s just an act of fun so why miss the party?” and “If you’re not actually doing it, what’s the big deal about playing around?” and “Everyone else looks at porn; why shouldn’t you?”
The messages scream loudly at us. It’s hard to find a good reason to wait, not only for sex itself, but to be exposed to visual images about sex.
We are going deep now. We’re going to define sex according to God’s Word. We don’t know how to make this effective in your mind because there’s so much that distorts this truth, but we’ll trust God to do that. It would help if you took a moment to unclutter your mind by asking God to prepare it for this truth.
A Covenant With God
To understand sex, you must understand the concept of covenant. Do you know what a covenant is? It’s not a contract. It’s not an agreement. A covenant is so much more honorable. Often when God does something significant in Scripture, He presents it as a covenant. A biblical covenant can be recognized by the fact that the lesser party (that’s us) who enters into the covenant according to the conditions of the greater party (that’s God) receives blessings for obeying. For example, if Abraham entered into the covenant of circumcision (ouch), then God would make his children like the stars of the universe. If we embrace the blood of Jesus’ covenant on the cross, then we will have eternal life.
Sex is a covenant, too. If we enjoy sex according to God’s plan, three specific blessings will follow.
BENEFIT NO. 1: Sex Is a Spiritual Portrait that Enhances Intimacy
Sex is not just physical. It is very emotional, very spiritual. When two people who have never had sex enter into the marriage covenant . . . no one else is in that place they go to. No one else knows that person so well, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. The result is an intimacy that is far more than just physical.
Ephesians 5:31–32 says, For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.
Whoa! One second Paul is taking about sex and the next about the great mysterious relationship between Christ and the church? Yes!
The intimacy of sex is so intense that it is compared to the unfathomable love of Christ for His church. This is significant. You see, for every great spiritual truth, God’s Word offers us a physical example of it on earth. Guess what? Sex is the great physical example of Christ’s intense love for us!
What motivation for Satan to distort this truth in your life! How he wants you to water down the intensity of sex so you cannot understand the passion Christ has for you! How he seeks to make your parents’ marriage a broken example of this powerful portrait! How he wants to ruin this gift for you.
Don’t let him. Stand strong. Protect the truth.
You may be saying, Okay, all that heavenly stuff is great, and it’s very eye-opening and a little motivating, but I’ve got to live with these physical desires here on earth. Hang in there. God’s got that under control. Let’s just see how He brings the great gift of sexuality down to earth.
BENEFIT NO. 2:Sex Creates Life
Genesis 1:28 issues an early command for us to populate the earth . . . to make babies! Imagine, God not only lets us have sex, He commands married couples to have sex. Wow! That’s the first blessing of sexuality that Scripture addresses.
The incredible gift of creating life is the most God-like thing we can do. Certainly, it’s been done outside of marriage time and time again. But the gift is so amazing, it deserves to be unmarred and undistracted by bad timing. If we wait to have sex until we are married, then we make babies with great celebration.
BENEFIT NO. 3: Sex Is Absolute Pleasure
If women get the last blessing, men get this one. That’s why it can be so hard to wait — being wired to be visually stimulated and to initiate sex, knowing how fun and fantastic it can be.
Proverbs 5:18-19 says, May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer — may her breasts satisfy you always, may you be ever captivated by her love!
If you translated that verse more accurately from the original Hebrew text, that last phrase, “may you be ever captivated by her love” would read, “may you be intoxicated by her sex.” Get the picture, guys? She is so fantastic. The experience is so fantastic that you are intoxicated by nothing but the thought of sex with her. Wow!
This is a good time to bring up something. Sex is fun, so why does God withhold it from us?
In the book of Deuteronomy, God says basically that He knows we are going to wonder why He has placed guidelines for living upon us. He doesn’t want us to wonder what they are all about, so He says right out that the purpose of them is to make us “prosper.” He want’s us to prosper . . . that includes sexually. He doesn’t ask us to wait to have sex to torture us. He knows that if we wait, it will be far more fantastic.
Social science proves this today. In the landmark study of sexuality entitled Sex in America, the authors concluded that “people who reported being the most physically pleased and emotionally satisfied [with sex]were the married couples.” They also reported that “the lowest rates of satisfaction were among men and woman who were neither married nor living with someone—the very group[s]thought to be having the hottest sex.” Furthermore, “physical and emotional satisfaction started to decline when people had more than one sexual partner.” Science today proves what God said hundreds of years ago: When we wait to have sex with one woman, it is more fantastic!
Sometimes Satan tries to make us feel like we are missing the party by waiting to have sex. It’s not true. The world’s message of abstinence might feel as if it’s about not having sex. God’s request for purity is about waiting to have it right. It’s about going to the big party. It’s about having total, free and fun sex because it is blessed by God.
Sex outside of marriage is a substitute for the real depth of pleasure that can be experienced when sex is protected.
God wants you to have a fantastic, fun sexual relationship that’s more than you can even imagine. Don’t miss out on the fun by settling for a substitute.
If we wait to have sex, then it is a blast!
Want more solid advice on how to honor God sexually and pursue purity?
Read Part 1 of “The Truth About Sex.”
Bob and Dannah Gresh co-author of Who Moved the Goal Post? 7 Winning Strategies in the Sexual Integrity Gameplan (Moody Press).
This article appeared in Breakaway magazine. Copyright © 2001 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. Reprint Permission Granted from www.purefreedom.org