Well, this is my story.
It’s something I’m no longer ashamed to admit. Some might say I should be ashamed of it. Though it was disgusting and it was disgraceful, I am not ashamed to admit it because God has cured me of it. As disgusting as it is, so is my future infinitely beautiful, thanks be to God. I was scared to admit it to anyone in fear of what they would think. No more am I afraid of it because I now fear God not man. And it is my duty and it is because of my love for my Dad, Christ Jesus, God, His Holy Spirit, that I admit my past to you all now.
I came from a family in which love between father and son or between brothers was considered to be something perverted and dirty, gay. I did not know what it was to love properly for a long time. I used to hero worship people at school, people whom I thought might be good enough for my dad to love. Feelings would arise in me for those people I worshipped, perhaps it was something I wished to feel for my dad, but I couldn’t, so I felt it for them instead. I didn’t understand it and the only reason I knew for love was sex. So here I say it today, I was gay. I was gay.
I prayed day after day about it, for years, I prayed about it. I had quiet times when I thought it had gone, and I praised God for it, but I never really closed the door on it. It kept creeping back. It was with me until the 25th of June 2000, when, at a friend’s house I went under the water. I was baptised. From that day on, I have been a changed man. Filled with love, I am now, I love all my brothers in Christ. I rejoice and I admit it now to you, my past, I am no longer ashamed of being Nicholas Paul. I was trapped in the cell of my sin and I couldn’t get out, I’d been in there my entire life and I knew nothing else, He opened the door for me and set me free. I can hardly believe how free I am now, I can scarce take it in. God is the most beautiful thing that’s happened to me in my life so far, I know he is the most beautiful thing that will ever happen to me. I want to say thanks to Him and I owe Him my life, it is the least I can do. It is also all I can give, and so I give it to Him. He gave me life into this world and He gave me life and freedom into His Kingdom and I love Him so much for it.
Thank You God.
Your loving servant, always,
I will always be your Nicky, Victorious over death because of you. Thank You Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.
I no longer hate my dad like I used to, I’m no longer angry with him, I love him, something which would not have been possible without Christ.
Homosexuality is a tough topic. Everyone’s talking about it, but no one’s really saying anything helpful.
You might be giving in to the temptations, or maybe you’re fighting silently and alone with painful questions. But you don’t have to be alone in this.
Exodus Youth is a community of people who are choosing to honor God with their sexuality and looking for real answers to their questions. Not just the quick answers you get from church or culture (just stop it / just do it), but answers that get to the heart of things.