Relationship Reality: A kick in the butt for guys and a handy reference guide for the girls
How’s it hanging?
So you’re a warm blooded male… a guy!
If you are like most guys on the planet, you would take it as a compliment when someone says that you are ‘a real man’. You see, us guys know we are male, but we all wonder if we have what it takes to be a real man. Deep inside there’s an insecurity inside every male heart. As guys, we are generally far too scared to let the real ‘me’ show, so we put on a facade, – a pretense and hope that we measure up to the ideal of manhood that’s expected of us.
Instead of coming to the end of ourselves and letting the identity of Christ define us as a man of God, we look to the Tom Cruises, John Waynes and James Bond’s of the world as our role models.
Down within, we are afraid somebody might notice we don’t measure up to the required standard of manhood. We try to make ourselves look like real men. We surround ourselves with ‘the lads’. We try to look tough, act tough, and be… oh… ever so cool!
Oh yeah… and then there’s our sexuality. If satan hasn’t messed up our thinking about women, we are attracted to the opposite sex. Perhaps I should write that in capitals: ATTRACTED! We know that when God made women, He made something almost indescribable. A beautiful girl can make the strongest of guys just woozy at the sight of her. The femininity, the curves, the…. okay… let’s not get too carried away!
Let’s face it: God made us guys hardcore male. He made us to be drawn to the beauty of the female body with all its mystery and allure. His dream for us was that we would find our wife to be absolutely irresistible and yummy. We were wired in such a way to absolutely drool at the sight of our wife… and God thinks it is great!
God created sexual attraction and intended us to use these feelings that for an amazing, hot, sexy and fulfilling marriage. Unfortunately for us single guys – we too often use sexual attraction in order to validate our manhood – before marriage.
Let’s face it… there’s hardly anything that makes a man feel MANLY quite like when his sex drive is turned on. It’s easy to use that sexual attraction to affirm our masculinity… but if we do, it will wreck what God intended sexuality to be.
It’s not time to “get in there!”
Do you call yourself a Christian? Do you have girls that God has placed in your life? Can I (as a fellow single guy) encourage you a little bit?
Lets treat the girls in our life like we should: – sisters in Christ and great friends. If you grew up with a sister you will know the passion God has put in your heart to protect her.
If any guy comes near her, you make it clear! – You are around!… and he knows why!
The girls who have a brother know what I’m talking about. Sometimes he is an asset, other times you just wish that you were born in family full of girls!
If you are a guy, God has called you to be a spiritual leader and inspiration to the girls in your life. He put you there to protect them from guys that would break her heart. He put you there to build her up… to inspire her to be all the Princess that God intended when he first created her.
As Christian single guys, we need to have this attitude: Let’s endeavour to treat every girl we come in contact with as our Princess, not our prostitute.
You know the feeling, you look across the room and think: “hmmm, she’s QUITE nice”. We see girls immediately as somebody we would like to date, court or marry. That’s just the time to let the testosterone settle and get to know her as a friend first, seeing her as someone God has brought across into our lives to help protect and build up.
It’s about time that we as Christians see ourselves as ‘true brothers’ to our sisters in Christ. Too often there is no difference between guys who call themselves Christians, – and those who don’t… Trying to get as much satisfaction from a relationship, regardless of whose hearts are broken or innocence betrayed. If the spirit of Christ really lives inside us, we have God’s desires for our relationships, instead just of our own fleshly desires.
Playing the snogging game…
God doesn’t only say we shouldn’t have sex outside of marriage. He says “run away from all youthful lust”. He goes even further to say we should love one another as Christ loved us. WOW – what a challenge. We need love and sacrifice for the girls in our lives just as Christ loved us. That means laying down our lives to treat her like a true Princess!
In relating his personal experience one guy told me that he had ‘too much fun’ in his previous relationships – once things got physical, the relationship was always over.
Boundaries are God-given! He gave us them for a reason! He knew that’s the only way we could have the gift of true, pure, sizzling romance with the person He has for us. – He gave us boundaries to protect us from a lot of heartache.
Whether we are just kissing, or going all the way, sexual fulfillment was meant for marriage. Outside of marriage, sexual satisfaction can destroy the relationship.
God didn’t intend relationships to explode – He intended them to burn brighter and brighter for His glory.
Sexual attraction is an addition to a great friendship. It can never replace friendship.
Whatever it is, kissing, petting, snogging, or going all the way – you can not imagine the freedom to date or court a person who wants to keep the relationship pure.
When both people have high standards they can encourage each other and learn to experience God’s best! Things that would usually be temptations in regular dating relationships are quite easy to avoid if two are playing the game…
They say all roads lead to Rome, – so if you don’t wish to go to Rome, stay off all roads!
If we view the girls in our lives as cuddly objects to give us satisfaction… someone for kissing, petting and snogging, we are simply ‘using’ them… its like going to a buddies house and wiping your muddy feet over their beautiful white carpet. Don’t tell her you love her if you are not willing to protect her innocence.
Jesus loved us soooo much that he selflessly died to take our punishment for the things we had done wrong, and make us totally new creations. If Christ was selfless, so should we be.
When it comes to expressing our hormones, – lets be selfless and treat our sisters in Christ with utmost respect and care, guarding their hearts, emotions, honour and purity as it is were God’s.
Hormones are great to be used in marriage, – not before!
Foundation of selfless friendship
My dad has a saying: “No attention without Intention”.
In other words we shouldn’t be showing a girl more attention than any other friend – unless we are looking pursue a future with that person (i.e. Marriage). In today culture we are taught the way you get to know girls is to date them, show them exclusive attention, get all kissy and huggy (which can also very easily lead to more).
The end result of this is often people giving their hearts away to others they do not know or truly love. In turn broken hearts are handed back to them when the relationships don’t work out as they fantasized.
God says: “Don’t fit into this worlds mould”. The world says: “Be selfish, have fun, it’s about me. I’ll be in it as long as its convenient for me.”
Jesus said: “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John 15:13
God calls us to honor each other. To ‘honor’ our Princess means to ‘place a high value on them’.
My dad has another really powerful saying: “you need to go into a relationship to put into the relationship, – not take out of it.”
When two people go into a relationship seeing what they can put in, that’s when a relationship works!
When we have friendships with the girls in our life – with the purpose of building them up – WOW, thats how to build a lasting relationship that lasts a lifetime.
Lets get to know girls, be friends with girls, treat them like sisters in Christ, encourage each other on to more in Christ, rather than take our focus off God and get involved in the steamy Hollywood dating scene.
In Gods world, there is no reason to romance a girl, play with her emotions, take her heart, – unless there is a clear intention that you think this may be girl that you may wish to commit to – for life.
I know some of this sounds really strange in today’s self-obsessed world, but God looks at our motives.
If we have pure motives and follow up on them, then God will bless our relationships!
Authors note: I shown a very strong view of kissing before marriage in this article. However I do realise that there are some people who kiss before marriage… but not in a wrong way. I respect their views. Some people also genuinely show love by physical touch… such as hugs or short kisses…. without ulterior motives. Different people have different strengths and weaknesses. This article should not be taken in a legalistic way. Instead it should be taken in this way… to encourage God’s standards and respect for the women in our lives. Every woman that God has put in our lives is special. They are our sisters… if we are in a relationship with them…. or not. We should treat them special… not with selfishness. We also need to behave in a way that avoids actions that could cause us to sin. The definition of this is for you to be led by the Holy Spirit, not to follow my rules.. or anyone else’s rules… Only follow God’s rules…
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