Part 1: Self-Injury Part One:
What Is Cutting All About?
By Jose Cano, Counselor, Teen
Mania's Honor Academy
I'm
Fine
I bleed away my problems
I scratch them all away
My problems drip away from me
And slither down the drain
My problems are dissolved in crimson
My scarlet poison makes them die
A piece of metal shatters them
And through my veins the pieces fly
These scars upon my skin
Tell tales of secret pain
But come and listen to them
Of the truth I'm not ashamed
My problems are hidden from you
I hide them oh so well
What's wrong? I tell you nothing
'Cause you can't save me from this hell
I know, it's stupid that I can only get everything out
like that. Whatever.
Introduction
to Self-Injury
Somewhere
today, there is a young girl locked in her bedroom, her eyes
swelled up with tears, struggling to express with words the
turmoil she really feels deep down inside. In a
bathroom stall, a young man is hovered with hate and anger,
overwhelmed with the constant reminder of his unbearable
pain and looks for a way to get it out.
In
a classroom setting, you see her gazing at the teacher as
if she is listening, but no one knows her mind is a thousand
miles away, lost in her despair. You
see them smiling in public, but in private they are showered
in disgrace. They may be active enough to seem involved in
the world, portraying they are “living life”,
but their soul is scarred, detached, dripping with blood,
slowly vanishing away.
In
desperation, they wish someone could just read their mind,
peak behind the door of their soul and see what is really
going on, but no one seems to notice, no one seems to care
that their road is headed down the fiery storm. “If
only I had someone that would understand what I’m going
through,” they may say. But,
their secret is so devastating and shameful they can’t
even fathom confessing what it is they do behind closed doors. They
fear people calling them “crazy,” “stupid,”
“weird,” or “suicidal.”
If
you could see inside their soul, you would be surprised with
what you’d find: confusion, torment, loneliness, numbness,
hopelessness, hate, anger, and the list goes on. You would
see them agonizing over the inability to express the insurmountable
pain they hold within. The
emotional pain is so excruciating they are desperately seeking
a means to escape, even if just for a minute. Something quick
to alleviate the broken and shattered heart is what they
are looking for, something to help them express their pain.
They
wake up and walk out of habit, but their soul has fallen
asleep and slowly dies away, not knowing how to “wake
up” again. Some
have forgotten what it was like to “feel”
emotional. Some
force themselves to “feel” something stronger,
more powerful, and perhaps more painful, than the throbbing
grief they feel in the depths of their heart. The day
of remembering the use of their emotions is long gone.
The
memory of “What I was” is now overshadowed by
the nightmare of “What I am.” The dream
and inspiration of “What I will be” is now seemingly
destroyed by a dreaded mental whisper of “What I’ve
become.” The constant
reminder of their ‘failings’ feed the inner voice
that leaps to staggering profusions of sounds calling them
names that demean the
“self” and torture the mind. Every
day they wake up hoping things will be different, but hope
is often not there to greet them.
It
is a vicious cycle of spiritual, emotional, and physical
abuse the enemy has used to leave the victim so mentally
defeated that they feel there’s only one way to cope
with this insurmountable emotional ache.
And, many
of them find their relief through the destruction of their
own bodies. It is
called “Self-Injury,” but it is better known
among its targeted population of teens as
“cutting.”
It
is an epidemic that seems to be hitting our teens in record
highs and sweeping across our nation and even perhaps across
the world in an intensifying way. It is
a phenomenon that many parents, grandparents or guardians
of children do not even know it exists because it happens
behind closed doors and the scars often go unseen. Their
own children may actually be “cutters”
themselves and they don’t even now it. Even
those adults that do discover it taking place among their teenagers
find themselves at a loss with how to deal with it.
This
alarming behavior encapsulates the heart and soul of the
young person’s state of despair and leads them down
a path of destruction, not only physically, but also emotionally
and spiritually.
Since
the beginning of time, man has tried to find different ways
to cope with the struggles and challenges of life. Even
tracing back a few years, looking at our nation’s history
we see the generation of the 1930’s begin to struggle
with alcoholism. Later,
in the 1970’s the issue of drug addiction came on the
scene. In the 1980’s, treatments for food and gambling
addictions came into play. In the 90’s to the present,
sexual addictions have become a stronghold in the lives of
many, even in the body of Christ.
Among
teens, one of the most prevalent issues being discovered
during this era of time is that of
“cutting”. Thus,
the aim of this booklet is to help explain what “cutting” is
all about, indicate some of the triggers that cause it, and
what we can do to help someone who is in bondage to this activity. This
informative review will not focus on any acts of self-injury
that are inflicted for reasons of sexual pleasure, tattooing,
or conscious suicidal intentions. Only
that of cutting for the sake of relieving emotional pain will
be mostly discussed.
Defining
Self-Injury
Whenever
we talk about “self-Injury” we are describing
the person that inflicts physical pain upon oneself for the
purpose of relieving or lessening the amount of emotional
pain or stress one may be experiencing at a given point in
time. It is a coping mechanism the young person has incorporated
as a way of life in order to survive the emotional pain levels
that may seem unbearable to them.
These
injuries are usually done in private, are self-inflicted,
not involving the assistance or control of anyone else. The
seriousness of the injuries will vary anywhere from heavily
scratching of the skin to marks and lesions causing tissue
damage severe enough to leave permanent scarring. It is
my belief the act is addictive and progressive. One may
start with giving into the desire of heavy scratching, but
eventually the ‘high’ felt during the scratching
period will no longer satisfy the desire. Thus, some other
form of self-injury will start taking form. Eventually, the
person may find themselves cutting their bodies more consecutively,
and in more harmful ways.
Methods
of Cutting
There
are different ways the individual will satisfy the need to
self-injure. The most
common practice is “cutting” with the use of
razor blades, broken glass, or even writing utensils. Anything
that is sharp in nature could end up in the hands of a “cutter” to
serve this purpose. Although cutting has been found to be
the most common type of self-injury, other actions such as
burning and head banging can follow suit. Other
methods include self-punching, biting, skin picking or carving,
interference with wound healing (re-opening wounds), hair
pulling, or needle sticking, but not only limited to these.
This
behavior often occurs sporadically and repetitively. Oftentimes,
it develops an “addictive”
cycle and becomes an overwhelming preoccupation for some people. Both
in clinical studies and informal surveys, it was found that
the most popular areas of the body to inflict the injuries
were wrists, arms, and inner thighs.
Who Self-Injures
and Commonalities Found
Expressing
Emotions: The difference between Men and Women
“Cutting”
behavior seems to be found more commonly among women, partly
because men are more likely to express strong feelings
such as anger outwardly and tend to display their aggression
towards other people or inanimate objects.
According
to one study, it was noted that the majority of injurers
were female because women are not socialized to express violence
externally (Miller, 1994). When confronted with the vast
rage many self-injurers feel, women tend to vent on themselves. They
tend to turn the hurt and pain inward upon themselves. While
men tend to react the opposite and act out, women act out
by acting in.
Perhaps
another reason fewer men are cutters may be that men are
socialized in a way that makes repressing feelings the norm.
Linehan’s (1993) theory that self-harm results in part
from chronic invalidation, from always being told that your
feelings are bad and wrong or inappropriate, could explain
the gender disparity in self-injury; men are generally brought
up to hold emotion in. But,
since emotion needs to be expressed some how, the men that
do injure themselves tend express their pain through roughness,
aggression, or hitting objects or themselves.
Studies
have shown that many people who self-injure have a history
of sexual or physical abuse, but this is not always the case
as we know it. There are many different backgrounds and life-stories
from others that come from broken homes, alcoholic environments,
emotionally absent parents, etc.
Common
Personality Characteristics Found in Self-Injurers
-
Lack
ability to express emotions verbally (have a tendency to “stuff” their
problems).
-
Lack
ability to handle intense feelings (“intense feelings” overwhelm
them and only leads them to confusion—“I don’t
know what to do!”—and isolation, especially
if they lack communication skills).
-
Perfectionism
(they feel pressure to live high standards, which often
times are unrealistic an unobtainable, so they continue
to feel like they are “failing” and will try
harder to no avail).
-
Tend
to experience severe mood swings (one day they are “happy”,
other days “extremely low”).
-
A
dislike for themselves and their bodies. (Do not like what
they see in the mirror. No matter how good they are, they
continue to pick out their flaws)
Common
Misconceptions
Due
to the complexity of this behavior, many may think that the
person that is cutting is acting upon suicidal tendencies.
It is often difficult to understand the “why?” someone
would cut. Suicide
is not the end goal of cutting. Although they are closely
related, they are very different in nature. This behavior
is not practiced by the individual with the intent to commit
suicide or bring about sexual pleasure, but for a means of
tension/emotional relief. One important
thing to note is that self-inflicting injuries, such as those
practiced as part of spiritual rituals or body markings (tattooing)
are usually not considered self injury.
Each
person has their own motivations and mix of self injury and
suicidal feelings. The difference between self-injury and
suicide comes to a distinction in the reasoning behind the
behavior. The person that practices “cutting” is
trying to alleviate themselves from the internal emotional
pain they are experiencing, while those that attempt “suicide” are
trying to “end”
all their feelings.
Most
researchers recognize that the self-injurer does not intend
to die as a result of his cutting behavior. But, although
self-injurious behavior is not suicidal in intent, it can
easily lead to suicidal ideation or even death, when a self-harmer
goes too far, accidentally.
Other
misconceptions of cutting include that of it being a way
to “get attention,” “they are crazy or
have gone mad,” or that they are a “danger to
others.” But,
again, for those that seriously struggle with the addiction
of cutting, this activity provides them with a means to cope
with their great internal pain, and has little to do with
attention seeking.
They
are not a danger to others, since their actions of anger
and hurt are inflicted upon themselves. And they
are not going “crazy” or “mad,” they
just don’t know or have not learned other ways to express
their conflict. The important
thing is to help them ease their pain, rather than trying
to label their behavior.
Reasons
Why People Turn To Cutting
Studies
are bringing forth evidence concluding that self-injurers,
when faced with strong emotion or overwhelming situations,
tend to choose to harm themselves because it brings them
a rapid sense of release from tension and anxiety. The person
seeks to find immediate relief from their emotional pain
by exposing themselves to external pain. The self-injurer
may feel a release of the emotional agony, but even if he/she
feels guilty or angry afterward, it won’t be an oppressive,
pushing, demanding tension-filled feeling like it was before.
Malon and Berardi (1987) believe that the person struggling
with self-injury “is at high risk to injure but not
kill himself or herself…but produces tension relief”. They
continue to say that those at risk are those with an inability
to cope with increased psychological/physiological tension
in a healthy manner, feelings of depression, rejection, self-hatred,
guilt, and a member of a dysfunctional family, to name a
few.
Why
Is It So Addictive
What
does the person experience when they practice
“cutting” that makes it so addictive?
- Helps
them express their emotional pain because they can’t
seem to find the right words or have an inability to express
their feelings through words.
-
It’s
a means to escaping numbness (many of those who self-injure
say they do it in order to feel something, to know
that they're still alive because they sometimes feel like
walking
“zombies,” breathing, but with no feelings).
-
They
find it helpful to ease tension.
-
Provides
momentary escape from emptiness, depression, and feelings
of unreality.
-
Helps
them get their mind off of the reality that is causing
extreme irritability or emotional agony and escape into
their own world
-
Feelings
of relief: When intense feelings build, self-injurers are
overwhelmed and are unable to cope. By causing pain, they
reduce the level of emotional and physiological
arousal to a more bearable one.
-
Gives
a feeling of euphoria (feeling very happy)
-
If
they see themselves as a “bad” person, then
they may “cut” to confirm the way they feel
inside or confirm what negative statements others have
said about them. They
continue to relive the abusive patterns. (I.e. if they
were abused as children and were always told they were “bad,” they
may grow up believing it and now act out through “cutting” to
punish themselves whenever they do something “bad.”)
-
They
find a release and relief of their suppressed anger/rage
(many self-injurers have enormous amounts of rage within.
Afraid to express it outwardly, they injure themselves
as a way of venting these feelings.
-
Obtaining
or maintaining influence over the behavior of others.
-
Makes
them feel a sense of control over their body where nobody
else has say.
-
Because
of insecurity or low self-esteem, the individual may become
dependent on the behavior that made them feel “different” or “unique” from
everyone else.
-
It
helps them cope with feelings of alienation or rejection.
Related articles:
Self-Injury
Part One: What Is Cutting All About?
Self-Injury
Part Two: Steps to Overcome “Cutting”
Self-Injury
Part Three: For Those Desiring to Help
Self Harm - A Testimony and Audio
Resources
References/Bibliography
http://www.self-injury.org/
http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/injury.html
www.users.zetnet.co.uk/BCSW/leaflets/womensa.htm
Colleen
Thompson, (Mirror, Mirror)1996.
“The
Final Freedom” by Doug Weiss,1998.
Malon
and Berardi (1987)
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