Self-Injury Part 3: For Those
Desiring to Help
What can you do to help someone
dealing with self-injury
The decision to stop “Cutting” is not an easy
one to make for the person that has fallen dependent upon it. Yet,
in order for them to be successful, the decision needs to come
from the person that struggles with it. The individual has
to own the personal decision in order for change to start taking
place. There is hope and a new way of living but the individual
has to declare his/her own right to walk in freedom.
As this decision is made, it is beneficial for the individual
to set him/herself up to win. It will be a good idea to establish
new boundaries and set guidelines to help the young person
when they face temptations that will want to lead them to old
behavior.
The Bible tells us
in Ephesians 4 to “put off your old
self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires” and
to “be made new in the attitude of your minds.” It
is up to us to make a personal decision to leave the old habits
behind and start practicing new ones. We are responsible to
renew our minds, according to Romans 12:2. We must put aside
the old nature and start living in our new nature in Christ
(2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ,
he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”
In Him there is hope,
life, and a new beginning. Therefore,
it is vital to prepare our mind for action through His Word,
but we also need to practice new habits. For this reason, the
following proposed checklist has been put together to help
such individuals prepare for the journey towards freedom.
The person seeking freedom from cutting can ask themselves
the following statements and use them as guidelines to ensure
that a plan has been put in place. The better the plan
of action is, the better equipped the person will be to face
and stand up against the storms of life.
Review the following
questions and use it to help you or the person struggling
to put something together that would work best for them. It
is a means to give you an idea of what a plan should look
like and perhaps spark personal creativity to adjust your
plan according to your specific needs.
Start by taking sometime
to seriously think about what you want to achieve. Go before the Lord in prayer and ask
him to search your heart. Psalms 139:23 says “Search
me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.” There
are many unanswered questions that tend to drive us to confusion
and hopelessness. But, the truth is, we have Christ,
the hope of glory to help us through these difficult times.
As you seek the Lord
through prayer, ask him to help you see what the future would
look like for you if you overcame this habit? How would you feel about yourself if you didn’t
act out anymore? How would you see yourself different? What
would be the benefits of you walking in your freedom? Pay
attention to what God’s Word says about you and all the
questions you ask Him (review the scripture sheet provided). God
desires for you to live a life of purpose, joy, fulfillment,
and peace. Things will not always be perfect, but you
can rely on God to give you His strength and face any storm
in life. If you choose to believe this, then you are
ready to formulate a plan.
A plan is established
when you want to improve or change something about yourself
because you choose to believe there is something better to
obtain. So, ask yourself, “What plan
do I have in place for myself?” “If I am
going to overcome this, what needs to change in my life?” “What
things do I need to do?”,
“Who do I want to bring into my support system to help
me through this?”, “How will I be strengthening
my inner-man in order to be able to control my emotions?” Next,
write it out on a piece of paper and point out specifics, avoiding
general statements, such as, “When I’m tempted,
I will call someone”. Your plan will be more successful
and strategic if you were to say, “When I’m tempted,
I will call Lisa at the following telephone numbers…” Use
the following questions to help secure a solid plan.
Securing a Plan of Action
- Have I made a personal decision to stop
hurting myself?
- Have I chosen to surrender my desires
to “cut” to the
Lord and allow Him to help me through this process?
- Have I told at least two
other people that I am going to stop hurting myself and have
asked them to hold me accountable? (I will consider them
my accountability group.)
- Have I discussed with
my accountability group what I need and expect from them
as I walk through this journey? Are they aware of what they
need to do, say, act, or hold me accountable to, whenever
I am being tempted?
- Have I established
how many times I will meet or “check in” with
my support system (accountability partner[s]) during my journey?
- Have I made a decision
to confess and not hide my temptations and/or sins to God
and my accountability group? (James 5:16 “Therefore confess
your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed”)
- When being tempted,
have I decided to seek out help beforehand while I still
have spiritual strength and not wait until it’s
too late when I am weak?
- Clean House: Have
I collected all my “cutting” objects
and have disposed of them myself or have given them to my
accountability support system?
- Have I built or started working on building a solid emotional support
system of friends, family, and/or professionals that I can
use if I feel like hurting myself?
- Do I have at least two people in my life that I can call or visit
if I ever want to hurt myself? I have their home or cell phone
numbers handy?
- Have I put together a list of at least ten things I can do to wait
out the wave of temptation instead of hurting myself?
- Do I have a list of
places to go if I need to have to leave my house in order to
not hurt myself?
- Have I thought of not putting myself in situations that will cause
me to be tempted to cutting? If so, what are my boundaries?
- Am I committed to being honest and open about my feelings with
my accountability group and not withhold the truth from them?
- As an exercise to
work on expressing my feelings, will I journal (i.e. twice
a week) how and what I “felt” that particular day,
then, identify if that “feeling”
helped me stay strong in my walk or if it tempted me to hurt
myself? Will I practice sharing my “feelings” with
my support system?
- Am I willing to
feel uncomfortable, frustrated, and angry but approach
it with God’s word and accept His Truth? (See “Who I Am In Christ” Scripture
list)
- Have I made a decision
to not
“quit” but to persevere no matter how tough it
may get because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens
me?
- Have I committed
to not call myself “bad” names or
“label” myself with negative thoughts, especially
when I make mistakes? Instead, I will confess, declare, and
accept the truth of God over me through His Word. (Use scripture
sheet.)
- Do I commit to declare and accept my FREEDOM in Christ, no matter
how long it takes me to walk in it? Will I make a decision
to be patient with myself, as Christ is patient with me?
- Will I devote sometime to take care of myself, enjoy walks, practice
favorite hobbies, listen to music, read spiritual books, journal,
etc. as I need it to relax?
- Have I accept the fact that I am not perfect, but my faith is being
perfected through Christ?
- Have I committed
to daily put effort in acknowledging God as my supreme
help for the day through prayer, bible reading, meditation & memorization
of scripture, worship, or devotional readings?
In Conclusion
For those of you that know of a loved one that is struggling
or you suspect is struggling with
“cutting,” first of all, thank you for taking the
time to trying to understand what this is all about. I
know it can be confusing, as well as frightening when one does
not fully comprehend this behavior. But, keep in mind
that this behavior is nothing new. It has only been more silently
kept because of the guilt and shame it carries.
Therefore, if someone comes
to you, it is important that you do not overreact to their
confession in a way that will intensify their assumptions of
being
“rejected.” They are people deeply hurting
that may not know how to deal with their presenting life problems.
Be a listener, as that
is what they need the most at first. Yes,
hearing how someone hurt themselves in this manner can be shocking
and disturbing to you, but do not let your personal emotions
make them feel “less than” for not knowing what
else to do. Try to keep seeing the person in pain behind the
injuries. The most precious thing you can offer them is a real
extension of Christ’s love in the midst of their struggle. Let
them know you do not see them as “weird” or “abnormal”,
but rather as a real person with real hurting emotions.
Let your friend know you understand that self-injury has become
a means in which to help him/her cope with their internal pain.
He/She is not "bad" or "mad" for doing it.
They just simply need assurance that things can get better
and that there are other means in which they can deal with
life problems without hurting themselves.
You could invite them
to talk about their feelings by using some of the questions
noted above to help them think through the process and understand
why they “cut.” Is it
anger? are they depressed? Do they feel no one cares about
them? Do they feel they are “bad” people? Where
is God? At first, they may not have many answers
to your questions because they’ve never thought about
it. Be encouraged, progress is taking place if they are opening
up to you and if you are listening to them. They are opening
a doorway to their heart.
Be very careful to
walk with care and sensitivity, and mostly, walk in the love
of Christ. If you feel comfortable and
if the situation is proper and you are allowed to do follow
up, then you may consider letting them know that you are willing
to listen some more and invite them to youth group, church,
prayer gatherings, etc. and you can talk some more afterwards. Help
them through the process as much as you can. And, be
willing to discuss with the young person a referral to a Christian
professional if you feel more help is needed in the support
system. Explain that you are not giving up on them and/or “passing
them on” to someone else. Rather, you want to help them
with establishing and building a solid support system to join
you in the effort of securing their freedom from cutting.
Keep
in
mind
that
walking
through
this
journey
may
be
a “process” for
some and not an overnight recovery, necessarily. We do not
limit Christ’s power to such, but if Christ chooses to
take them through a process instead, then we are to be there
for them to be his extension of love and patience. Help them
stay strong and never give up as God never gives up on us. Pray
with them, encourage them, praise them, support them, speak
life into them, for he already took our sorrow, pain, and punishment
to the cross and he has set us “free.” Above
all and through it all, let them see Christ in you, the hope
of glory!
Who Am I in Christ Scriptures
- I am born again…through
the living and enduring word of God (1 Peter 1:23)
- I am a child of God (John 1:12)
- I am saved by grace through faith (Ephesians 2:8-9)
- I am loved by God and he gave his one and only Son for me (John
3:16)
- I am a new creation in Christ; the old has gone and the new has
come! (2 Corinthians 5:17)
- I have peace with God (Romans 5:1)
- The Holy Spirit lives in me (1 Corinthians 3:16)
- I have access to God's wisdom (James 1:5)
- I am helped by God (Hebrews 4:16)
- I am reconciled to God (Romans 5:11)
- I am not condemned
by God (Romans 8:1)
- I am justified
(Romans 5:1)
- I have Christ's righteousness (Romans 5:19; 2 Corinthians 5:21)
- I am Christ's ambassador (2 Corinthians 5:20)
- I am completely
forgiven (Colossians 1:14)
- I am tenderly
loved by God (Jeremiah 31:3)
- I am the sweet fragrance of Christ to God (2 Corinthians 2:15)
- I am a temple
in which God dwells (1 Corinthians 3:16)
- I am blameless
and beyond reproach (Colossians 1:22)
- I am the salt
of the earth (Matthew 5:13)
- I am the light
of the world (Matthew 5:14)
- I am a branch
on Christ's vine (John 15:1,5)
- I am Christ's
friend (John 15:5)
- I am chosen
by Christ to bear fruit (John 15:16)
- I am a joint
heir with Christ, sharing his inheritance with him (Romans
8:17)
- I am united
to the Lord, one spirit with him (1 Corinthians 6:17)
- I am a member
of Christ's body (1 Corinthians 12:27)
- I am a saint
(Ephesians 1:1)
- I am hidden
with Christ in God (Colossians 3:3)
- I am chosen
by God, holy and dearly loved (Colossians 3:12)
- I am a child
of the light (1 Thessalonians 5:5)
- I am holy,
and I share in God's heavenly calling (Hebrews 3:1)
- I am sanctified
(Hebrews 2:11)
- I am one of
God's living stones, being built up in Christ as a spiritual
house (1 Peter 2:5)
- I am a member
of a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a
people for God's own possession and created to sing his
praises (1 Peter 2:9-10)
- I am firmly
rooted and built up in Christ (Colossians 2:7)
- I am born
of God, and the evil one cannot touch me (1 John 5:18)
- I have the
mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16)
- I may approach
God with boldness, freedom, and confidence (Ephesians 3:12)
- I have been
rescued from Satan's domain and transferred into the kingdom
of Christ (Colossians 1:13)
- I have been
made complete in Christ (Colossians 2:10)
- I have been given a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline
(2 Timothy 1:7)
- I have been
given great and precious promises by God (2 Peter 1:4)
- My needs are
met by God (Philippians 4:19)
- I am a prince
(princess) in God's kingdom (John 1:12; 1 Timothy 6:15)
- I have been
bought with a price, and I belong to God (1 Corinthians
6:19,20)
- I have been
adopted as God's child (Ephesians 1:5)
- I have direct
access to God through the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 2:18)
- I am assured
that all things are working together for good (Romans 8:28)
- I am free
from any condemning charges against me (Romans 8:31f)
- I cannot be
separated from the love of God (Romans 8:35f)
- I have been
established, anointed, and sealed by God (2 Corinthians
1:21,22)
- I am confident
that the good work that God has begun in me will be perfected
(Philippians 1:6)
- I am a citizen
of heaven (Philippians 3:20)
- I am a personal
witness of Christ's (Acts 1:8)
- I am God's
coworker (2 Corinthians 6:1, 1 Corinthians 3:9)
- I am seated
with Christ in the heavenly realm (Ephesians 2:6)
- I am God's
workmanship (Ephesians 2:10)
- I can do all
things through Christ, who gives me the strength I need
(Philippians 4:13)
Related articles:
Self-Injury
Part One: What Is Cutting All About?
Self-Injury
Part Two: Steps to Overcome “Cutting”
Self-Injury
Part Three: For Those Desiring to Help
Self Harm - A Testimony and Audio
Resources
References/Bibliography
http://www.self-injury.org/
www.palace.net/~llama/psych/injury.html
www.users.zetnet.co.uk/BCSW/leaflets/womensa.htm
“Mirror, Miror” by Colleen Thompson (1996)
“The Final Freedom” by Doug Weiss (1998)
“Hypnosis With Self-Cutters” article by Malon and Berardi (1987)
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